30 minutes into the New Year, we received the first sledgehammer blow to our family. The second and third assaults came before 3 am. It is possible that many of you have already heard the salacious stories that rang in our new year, and as we are still trying to see through this painful fog, I cannot and do not feel an inclination to articulate details. I will do my best to protect the innocent (and not so innocent), but for those of you who appreciate doing life with me, and for you prayer soldiers out there, and for those of you who need encouragement and need to know you are not alone in your heart-brokenness…. I would love to share what I am learning today.
Today, everything I can see makes me feel stupid. I feel like I have let down my family. I feel like all my testimonies are ringing false. I am scared and despondent about future things. During my sleepless night, I dwelt on all the confusion, fear and what-if’s. I let feelings of inadequacy and hypocrisy engulf me. My environmental circumstances prohibited me from fixing the situation. I prayed and prayed and cried a lot too.
During the crossover mulling of prayers and distracting fears, this phrase cracked through my brokenness: “Whatsoever things are true”.
In my devastation, I couldn’t even figure out how to pray or what to pray for, but I COULD figure out things that are true.
I began listing the events that occurred in the first 3 hours of 2015. I knew enough to know that our situation could have been much worse. I moved on to list what I know is true about this very moment when specifically applied to my family, marriage, health and circumstances. Today is January 1 and I am married and have 4 kids and 2 dogs and a home….The list grew longer, but it really stayed that basic.
As the sun began its first efforts to break through our bleak night, I began to list what I know is true about the God I have placed my faith in. I remembered some verses I had read the day before and got up and read them again. I needed to marinate in these truths:
“The Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, in all the way you went until you came to that place.” (Deut 1:31 NKJV)
“I bore you on eagles’ wings and brought you to myself.” (Exodus 19:4 NKJV)
“In His love and in His pity He redeemed them; and He bore them and carried them all the days of old.” (Isa. 63:9 NKJV)
“As an eagle stirs up its nest, hovering over its young, spreading out its wings, taking them up, carrying them on its wings, so the LORD ALONE led him.” (Deut 32:11-12 NKJV)
“Even to your OLD AGE, I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made you, and I will bear you; even I will carry you, and I will deliver you.” (ISA. 46:4 NKJV)
“Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you. “ (Psalm 55:22 NJKV)
“Thus far the Lord has helped us.” (1 Sam 7:12 NKJV)
It is vital for me to remember God’s faithfulness. I cannot make it through today or this week without Him. I am embarrassed that I forget this all the time. I am aware of my need for Him today, because I can feel the sting of today, but my need is just as acute when my circumstances are breezier.
I cherished the reminder that God is carrying me, even in my old age. It has been a very long time since I have been able to physically carry my children… and even longer since someone has been able to carry me, but God says He does! He made me, bears me, carries me and delivers me. He’s holding me tightly against his strong and protective chest and not letting go. He can and does this for my kids and husband and for you too. I need to be so tightly held that His finger marks leave an indention. I really need to quit forgetting how much He loves and values me….
These are the things that are true!
As for today, there is still a lot of confusion and there will be more tears and likely more lies, and there will be hard lessons in 2015.
I don’t know what you are learning, but you and I both have a great teacher. His truths are the balm we need during the heartbreaks and dull seasons and for every time that we are confused.
The New Year is not off to a great start, but the start is never as important as the finish. The first score doesn’t hold a candle to the final score. We had a really rough start, but we will finish the race.
Please be encouraged to live in light of the truth, and if you are led to do so, pray that the Nelson family will too.
Blessings to you all in 2015.
“ Finally brothers, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely; whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Phil. 4:8 NKJV)
i have somehow stumbled upon your blog in the last few weeks…..I was drawn to you being a Memphis girl. My husband is from there, his family is there, I went to college there, Memphis is a second home to me. I’m truly so sorry for the blow you are enduring right off the bat in this new year. However, your words say everything I would say to you. Press on. Lean in. Eyes ever so fixed.
I’m saying a prayer for you now.
Much love, peace and hope to you today….
Fran Thomas
Fran, thank you, and PREACH IT, girl. We must always press on. Thank you for reminding me that this is an appointed time for me and I have every reason to hold my head high when my eyes are focused on Jesus.
HAppy New year to you.
C
Sweet sister, thank you for your continuously transparent heart. I, too, was up last night fighting the fears, what-ifs, and lies. Thank you for the reminder of these truths! I will continue to intercede for the Nelsons in 2015 and can’t wait to hear about the fruit of our many prayers! Love you!
Missi, I am sorry that you were troubled by our enemy’s lies and confusion. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. I will be praying for you too. Love to all the Jacobus family and blessings in 2015. XO c
Dearest Catherine, am praying Psalm 3:3 for you..”but you are a shield about me, Oh Lord, You are my glory and the lifter of my head.” Do not know what is going on and do not need to but I do know He is faithful . Love and prayers from Hattiesburg.
Gracie, thank you. It is such a comfort to know that you (such a great prayer warrior) are lifting us up. I love you. Happy New Year. C
Hi Mrs. Nelson,
I’m not exactly aware of what happened, but the fact that you continue to pursue your life as a spiritual, happy Christian woman is a huge inspiration for me. I’m praying for these incidents that you experienced, and I also pray that you will never lose that natural good-willed spirit. My mother always tells me about your blog and reading it has become a daily routine for me. Your words of wisdom never fail to intrigue me and draw me closer to the Lord and for that I am grateful. I hope your New Year picks up tremendously and also, I hope you have a great one.
Lots of love and prayers x
Oh Sweet Suraya… I love you. Thank you for your kind words. You are a treasure. I hope you have a wonderful new year. Blessings to you and your family!
Wow….I just discovered your blog today. God’s always right on time….ie….with His words to you, “Whatsoever things are true”. You have an amazing gift with words and from some of the comments I’ve read people are being ministered to with your blog. I pray God’s blessing on your life as you share reality with those who read your words. It’s that ‘realness’ that people identify with. I pray resolution to that Jan1 situation is already history and if not, the grace to endure this time.