A few weeks ago, I attended an incredibly beautiful wedding. There were not any bridesmaids or groomsmen. Most in attendance wore jeans and casual clothes. The bride wore a second-hand dress and the groom wore his best khaki suit. Loving church members made the food and the cake was from Wal-Mart. At the reception, someone connected an I-pod to a speaker, and we all “Did the Dougie”.
The wedding was held at the Neighborhood Christian Center in downtown Memphis. The bride and groom were from Orange Mound (One of the poorest zip codes in our country). I have spent a lot of time this year in Orange Mound making friends and doing life with the bride (Mary) and her neighbors. It was an honor to attend her beautiful marriage ceremony.
I love being invited to weddings. I have been to some really beautiful ones, but the beauty on display at Mary’s wedding will stay with me. When Mary entered the room, her groom, Sylvester, started weeping. As he leaned on his cane, his arm shook and knees trembled. He used the sleeve of his free hand to wipe the droves of tears that cascaded down his cheeks. Mary took timid steps as she navigated the 20 feet to the altar in high heel shoes that she wasn’t used to wearing.
There was no one to escort Mary down the aisle or give her away, and when she reached the front, the minister kept Sylvester and Mary apart as he gave his homily. I watched them long to hold, support and fortify each other. When they were invited to hold hands and exchange vows, I prayed earnestly for Mary to be able to make it through her vows. Mary has a severe stutter. It takes her close to 20 seconds to gather her breath, calm her heart and utter the first syllable in any attempt to speak. As she made promises to love and support Sylvester, the minister kept patting her on the back and encouraging her to take her time. Witnessing her effort could have been painful to some, but that day, every person in the room was united in their prayers and love for Mary.
Sylvester and Mary exchanged rings and were pronounced “man and wife” and then the minister remembered that the couple had wanted to light a unity candle. As he backtracked and led them back up the stairs, we all remained standing while they each took their individual candles and lit the unity candle. In order to complete the lighting, the bride and groom each need to extinguish their original candles. Sylvester blew his out, but Mary couldn’t. Because of her stutter and nerves, she could not even make the flame of her candle waver. Her arm shook as she kept trying to no avail, and then her groom took her candle, blew it out, put both candles down and embraced his bride.
I wept. The tenderness of that moment was beautiful. In the first minute of their marriage, the groom was already protecting and cherishing his bride. He was her strength, and even her breath, when she didn’t have any. She received his strength and met it with respect and love. Although poor, they are truly rich. Mary stutters and Sylvester cannot walk without a cane, but together they walk and speak with joy.
Basking in these beautiful memories, I am reminded of how important perspective is. We love to celebrate our independence and self-sufficiency, and in doing so, we minimize the value of need. People need people and they love to be needed. The most beautiful moment in Mary’s wedding was when her need was at its greatest. We miss the most beautiful things when our focus is narrow. The truly beautiful is found in peculiar places. We need to celebrate our weaknesses because they allow God’s strength to shine. We need to praise our kids for their tender hearts and their perseverance through the muck of growing up. Their days of frustration are just as valuable as their days of public accolade. When we are asked if we need help or prayers, we should be specific. Be authentic instead of glossy. You can be a blessing to others when you do the messy work of doing life together.
“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.” Ecc 3:11 (NLT)