Dear Sons & Daughters Archives - Page 3 of 6 - Catherine Nelson

Only a few weeks left of school, and the Nelson kiddos are all feeling the pressure of boosting their 4^th quarter grades in order to have a better cushion going into exam time. We dread the thought of summer school and mandatory extra help. As much as I am celebrating their efforts and achievement of making it through another year, they will not be celebrated in a bigger forum this year. It is awards season for all our young scholars and we won’t need to clear any shelf space for shiny trophies at the Nelson house. This was one of those years when we struggled to just keep our heads above water. I’m very thankful that our schools average in the A’s from P. E. class into the overall GPA.

The 2014-15 school year has been riddled with struggle. The kids, their dad and I have struggled with understanding new concepts, relationships, poor performance, healthy lifestyle, broken hearts, backsliding, diverted dreams, the frustration of repeated mistakes, insecurities and a constant drain from the lack of time in a 24 hour day.

There have been years that could have been designated as the Year of Nelson. While marching through those years, I am sure I posted more pictures on Instagram and Facebook. I probably peacocked around bowing and eloquently supplying my audience with the nauseating humble brag. I know I said things like, “Thank you, but her greatest attribute is her kind heart”, and “God is so good. I’m humbled that He chose to give these talents to my son.” Blech. I promise, I did not feel humble in my heart. When my kids got awards, I believed they earned them outright and I was thrilled that everyone was exposed to their achievements.

Please don’t misunderstand me. My kids have beautiful hearts and any talent they have is a gracious gift and responsibility from the Lord. They work hard and I am proud of their hard work. I am no less proud when their best efforts are C’s and my adoration of them is not diminished when their neck isn’t encircled with an MVP ribbon, but when I dropped my daughters off at school today, I was a little harrumphed. Today was another spring awards day and I had no reason to change out of my sweats and hustle back for the ceremony. To add to my pissy mood, I noticed that the hems of both of their uniform skirts were out and I wallowed over my constant tether to the mountain of laundry that I had plenty of time to attend to as I wouldn’t be in attendance at awards day.

With Mt. Laundry glaring at me in the den, I knew I needed to spend some quality time refocusing before wielding my laundry axe and strapping on my crampons. Today is Someone else’s awards day, but JOY is set before me.

“Whoever offers praise glorifies Me;

And to him who orders his conduct aright

I will show the salvation of God.” Psalm 50:23 (NKJV)

If you are one of those people who are instinctively able to celebrate the achievements of other people’s children, kudos to you. If you find it taxing to cheer for a kid who has been mean to your kid or difficult to add your extoling voice to the glorification of a kid who wins absolutely everything or if you find it hard to celebrate the smug, we are kindred spirits, and we need the Holy Spirit.

When we set our minds on Christ and celebrate Him, our focus is set straight. In a sinful, exhausting, unbalanced and unfair world, we cannot rejoice with sincerity unless we have a helper. We have to be purposeful about loosening our grip on our rights and entitlements. Our desire for fairness will lead to unhappiness. Our desire should be solely based in Christ and the joy of being claimed by and loved by Him.

I have been watching NBC’s “A.D.-The Bible continues” and I was intrigued by their interpretation of Pentecost. In their depiction of Pentecost, a fireball shot out of the sky like a laser and burst in and all through the room where the disciples have gathered. It was aggressive and frightening and at its conclusion, all 12 disciples were energized, empowered and full of joy. They set out with a focused purpose of telling their neighbors and enemies the great news that Jesus is alive. Before they were heated up with this fiery force, they grumbled and wobbled in fear, but with the spirit, they knew they could do anything.

I needed that reminder of how incredibly powerful the Holy Spirit is. I have been in the habit of thinking of Him as only a helper, but He is so much more. I need more than help. I need someone else to take the lead and captain the ship. I will continue to fail when I try to do everything on my own. I can’t smile about the laundry or be patient as I tutor algebra, but with the Holy Spirit, I can do these and so much more. I can rejoice in everything and love the unlovely. I can celebrate someone else’s awards day and mean it.

The real celebration is in knowing that when I am weak and I fail, Christ gets to shine. Dear friends, I hope that as your school year wraps up, you will find joy in the celebration. You have been given the greatest award that no one can ever snatch away. Today is your award’s day too.

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NKJV)

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39 (NLT)

 

This is one of my favorite pictures. Just before the photographer snapped it, Dad and I were standing in the closed Narthex of our church. As we waited for the double doors to open so he could walk me down the aisle, I was wrecked with nervous tears. My precious dad recognized my instability and saved the day. He knew instinctively that a protective hug or tender assurances would only exacerbate my wobble, and so he distracted me with Kentucky basketball trivia. #BBN This wonderful man is my hero and he turns 70 this week. 70!!!! This milestone birthday has provided a beautiful time for me to reflect on the life, love and legacy of this great man. I love my dad. He consistently models integrity, loyalty, kindness and generosity. He is a great leader and businessman. He has successfully managed and grown a respected construction company for decades. He loves his company and cares deeply for all the people who work with him. He has shepherded and patiently encouraged my husband to take on the role that he has held for decades. Dad has loved and encouraged Pat as a mentor and father.

He loves being a father. Dad started taking me on dates when I was a child and he continues to do so today. He has always been faithful to make time for each of us. He made sure we knew that we were cherished and important. He listens and shares the wisdom he has grown in through experiences, study and observation. He tells great stories and is quick to laugh when listening to other’s stories. He is vulnerable enough to empathize and share his personal frustrations.

He faithfully attended our athletic games. If you ask him to, he will happily recall the successes (mostly attributed to my brother) and less than successful attempts that we made in our competitive endeavors. You will continue to find him in the stands of the gym, lacrosse, soccer, or football field cheering for his grandkids as they embrace their own love for sports.

Dad doesn’t limit himself to the role of spectator. He continues to play tennis. He really loves playing doubles with family members. Writing this almost inspires me to pick up my racket again; he was my favorite partner. I always loved our time together on the court. In addition to his tennis hobby, dad loves to fish and hunt. He is a voracious reader.

He adores my mom. We tease sometimes that he is a sucker for a pretty girl, and that is most blatantly displayed in his relationship with my beautiful mom. My mom is motivated by projects, causes and opportunities to serve. As great a leader as he is, he is gracious to listen, embrace and support each of my mom’s endeavors. This respect and affection for mom has rooted him in the church nursery every Sunday for nearly 40 years. It has lead him to Young Life camps, mission opportunities in India, Ukraine, Africa and most recently, Orange Mound. He recognizes her gifts and passion and he gets involved. When he does, he becomes passionate too.

More than sports, family, the company or even mom, my dad loves the Lord. He feeds his love for Jesus by spending time in prayer and in the word. He has faithfully met with a handful of men every Thursday for decades to study and pray. He is an elder at our church and has been steadfast to serve the church with his time, obedience, finances and heart.

I haven’t always obeyed my dad. I lied as a child and had my moments as a disrespectful teen. Sometimes I was rude; sometimes I abused his generosity. I’m sure my carelessness, laziness and selfishness frustrated him and caused him to worry. I never doubted his love for me. When I screwed up, he embraced and forgave me. He didn’t withhold love. He didn’t shut me out or turn his back on me. He was wise in handing out punishment and discipline. These were vital components of his fatherly love.

When we have our lunch dates now, Dad never brings up the bad stuff I did in the past, and he has a great memory. When I sought his forgiveness, he wholeheartedly gave it. Dads do that (moms do too). The role of father is a weighty one. It is a high privilege and beautiful responsibility to raise up children. God in his great wisdom identified himself as our Father. Everyone understands what the role of father means. God wants us to understand…. To see him as Father…. To embrace our role as sons and daughters. Whether you have a deadbeat dad or a great dad like mine, he falls way short in comparison. Our Heavenly Father is the only perfect father.

He is perfect in his love, forgiveness and wisdom. He gave us all our gifts and talents. He takes joy in cheering for us as we use these gifts. He doesn’t keep a record of our wrongs. He picks us up when we fall and holds our hand as he leads us in the steps he has established for us. He shares his wisdom and listens to our stories and sympathizes with our frustrations. His desire is to spend cherished time with us. He shares his inheritance and legacy with us.

Brothers and sisters, embrace your dad. He has your back. Spend some time reflecting on who He is and what His gifts are. Stop dwelling on yourself, your mistakes, and your junk. He wants to celebrate with you the joy He takes in being your dad. The world’s #1 dad loves you. He delights in you. Celebrate that and celebrate Him. Tell Him how much you love Him; He never gets tired of telling you.

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” 1 John 3:1 (NIV)

“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:11 (NIV)

Dear moms and dads of attractive children,

It is time to celebrate the beauty bestowed upon your child. I am not trying to tell you that the fact that your child has been blessed with physical beauty is the most important, but I wish you would stop saying that it isn’t important. Physical beauty is not eternal, but Jesus Christ is and He was present at creation and He knit that pretty child together and He decided to give them a temporal gift so He could be glorified, so stop dismissing compliments. Every good and perfect gift is from the Lord; this includes your brains and humor and skills and talents and money and your physical beauty.

In the past 24 hours, I have observed a few poignant things. I traveled to Kentucky for my cousin’s funeral, and and after visitation, I enjoyed catching up with family as we shared dinner. A precocious and beautiful 10 year old joined us for dinner. She entertained us with stories and trivia. She declared that she loves being smart, but when I asked her if she also likes being pretty, she said, “No… It’s embarrassing to be pretty.”

This morning, I attended the funeral. My cousin was beautiful. She was young and fun and fought her cancer with all her might. All the testimonies I read and heard about Elizabeth this week told of her kindness, willingness to help and lead and love. Elizabeth was undeniably pretty. She was a blue-eyed blonde athlete with a smile that dazzled you. She must have known she was beautiful, and she used her beauty to bless others. People are drawn to beauty but they don’t stick around if beauty is all you have to offer. Elizabeth seemed to figure that out and thousands were blessed by knowing her. She drew them in and then blessed the socks of them with all she had to offer.

As I continue to meditate and study through my chronological bible, I read this passage today about the last days of King David’s life.

“King David was now very old, and no matter how many blankets covered him, he could not keep warm. So his advisers told him, “Let us find a young virgin to wait on you and look after you, my lord. She will lie in your arms and keep you warm.” So they searched throughout the land of Israel for a beautiful girl, and they found, Abishag and brought her to the king. The girl was very beautiful, and she looked after the king and took care of him. But the king had no sexual relations with her.”

1 Kings 1:1-4 (NLT)

It is important to observe that the king’s faithful men searched all over for a physically beautiful girl. Their mission was to find a way to comfort their king. Abishag was beautiful; it is a key point in the passage. Beauty soothes and extends comfort to those who are confronted by it. This is the same reason why we find peace at the beach or the lake or the mountains. We are drawn to and comforted by beauty. It is also important to observe that Abishag didn’t use her beauty to seduce or titillate. She used it to comfort and serve the king.

I think many of us have contributed confusion to our culture when it comes to beauty, and so our daughters express that it is embarrassing to be pretty. We have taught them to dismiss and shrug off compliments about how pretty they are. Please stop this. Beauty is shallow when we view it as ours. Beauty is short-lived and off-putting when it is esteemed as the most important, but when we recognize beauty as a gift from God, it is a celebration. If God chose to make your daughter beautiful, teach her to rejoice and to say “Thank you”. Teach her to do some God-flaunting. Her beauty reflects God’s plan and design that He chose especially for her. She has been given the opportunity to comfort and serve and lead and evangelize with the help of this gift. It is a good and perfect gift given not for her glory, but for God’s. How exciting is it to embrace this and contribute your portion to the eternal things that matter.

“Forbid it Lord, that I should boast,

Save in the death of Christ my God!

All the vain things that charm me most,

I sacrifice them to His blood

Were the whole realm of nature mine,

That were a present far too small;

Love so amazing, so divine,

Demands my soul, my life, my all.”

Isaac Watts 1707

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30 (ESV)

“Do not be deceived, dear brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of Lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of His own will He brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of His creatures.” James 1:16-18 (ESV)

Yesterday morning as I prepared to leave town, I went through the necessary mental checklist: Did I pack everything? Did I have my credit card, boarding pass, and license? Were the carpools covered, and most importantly, did I remind the kids to feed the dogs?

The dogs must be fed while I am away. I told each child separately and all together, “Be sure one of you feeds the dogs everyday.” I told Pat. I left it in a note and then I texted them again this morning.

There are lots of important things I want my family to remember when I am out of town, but feeding the dogs is paramount to me. I know that they get rushed and distracted in the morning. Fixing breakfast, getting dressed, double checking homework and making it to school on time are all obstacles keeping them from remembering that the dogs need to be fed. I understand. I get busy and distracted too. It’s not that I don’t trust them to feed the dogs; it’s just very important to me and no matter how crazy their morning is, they might have a better chance of remembering the dogs if I am vigilant about reminding them.

The truth is, I probably only needed to say it one time. My family knows that feeding the dogs is important.

When instructions are important, they bear repeating. They aren’t repeated to badger or exhaust and they aren’t repeated due to a lack of faith in the recipient.

In Genesis 28:15, God tells us that He will never leave us.

The God of the Universe said this in the first chapter of the Bible. Everything He says is true and we should believe Him, but he didn’t quit telling us after He said it in Genesis. He repeats it over and over again all throughout the Bible.

Our loving and wonderful Heavenly Father knows that we get distracted by the busyness of this world. He knows that we get burdened by guilt. He knows that we get scared and sad and confused and He wants us to remember that He is always with us and will never leave us. It is very important to God that we remember this promise, and so He repeats it over and over again. He doesn’t remind us to exhaust or badger us. He doesn’t remind us because He thinks we are stupid. He repeats this over and over again, because it is important to Him and paramount for us to remember.

Oh dear precious friends and family, Hold tight to this truth and repeated promise: God is with us, and He will never let us go.

“I will never leave you or forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5 (NIV)

“Behold I am with you and will keep you wherever you go.” Genesis 28:15 (NIV)

“Be strong and of good courage; do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the one who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

“When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me.” Psalm 27:10 (NIV)

“Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20 (NIV)

“I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.” John 14:18 (NIV)

On a recent flight, while sitting on a bulkhead row, next to my exceedingly tall husband, we watched another very large man cause a ruckus as he spotted his seat assignment. This big angry man also was assigned a bulkhead seat and to his dismay and ours, the bulkhead seats on this plane were considerably smaller and more cramped. He made it very clear to the flight attendant and everyone else within earshot that he would not sit in his assigned seat. He insisted that there was no way he could be comfortable sitting there and that he was entitled to more space than seat 7b offered. It really was pretty cramped and I felt sorry him and for Pat. Anyone who has traveled much recently appreciates how frustrating and uncomfortable flying can be. We are so accustomed to being comfortable that being forced into small spaces with strangers is a shock to our privileged lifestyle…. Merica :/

When I was a young mom with young kids, I remember being really convicted by a Sunday school lesson on “entitlement”. I knew I was susceptible to being a parent who could harm her kids by overindulging them. I became purposeful about saying “No” to their every whim and adding balance to their lives with responsibilities. I am offended by entitlement and therefore, I was really humbled this week when I discovered that I have been behaving like an entitled child. I put entitlement into a safe little box defined by the craving of possessions and pretty things. It was tangible things that I was withholding from my kids to spare them from being entitled, and so it made sense that it was the lack of need for the tangible that freed me from being an entitled person.

I have been shortsighted in my understanding. Like so many people, I make every effort to be comfortable. Like my large and angry travel companion, I find it unacceptable when my comfort is compromised. I get confused, hurt and angry when someone doesn’t like me or hurts my feelings. I have acted like it is an injustice when I am maligned or wounded. My countenance sours when my schedule gets interrupted.  Where on earth did this egotistical belief come from? How special do I think I am? The truth is, there are plenty of reasons not to like me and no reason that I should be shocked by rejection or interruption. We live in a sinful world; it is full of discomfort, rejection, obstacles and pain. It isn’t shocking, but it shocks our system, because it isn’t home. The discomfort we experience here reflects our longing for life with Christ where there will be no more sorrow, pain or rejection or interruption.

We are living entitled lives. The Declaration of Independence reminds that we are entitled to pursue life, liberty and happiness, and so we engage in a full court press as we do all we can to have the fullest life and the freedom to say and do all we want. We feel insulted when someone jeopardizes our happiness and we make a big stink about it.

We are entitled to pursue these inalienable rights, but when we stop making the pursuit of comfort and happiness our primary focus, we will find true peace and joy. Real joy comes when we put others needs ahead of our own. The most beautiful view looks out instead of in. The truth is, we are all strangers and aliens here and we will never be truly comfortable, free or happy until we see Jesus. Our worthiest pursuit is to follow Him.

“I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” John 10:10b (NKJV)

 “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” Philippians 2:3 (NKJV)

 

This morning, the youngest Nelson turned in her last science fair project. As I dropped the child, props and tri-fold poster board off, there were no mixed emotions. I was thrilled and relieved. I have spent 100’s of dollars and hours over my career as a mom in the time-sucking, stress-inducing, calorie-burning, gas-guzzling, Target-supporting, day of rest-robbing, Sharpie-staining world of the Science Fair project. Those days are over… Hallelujah!

As is my nature to do, I spent some time reflecting over all the science fair projects we have tackled over the last couple decades. I am always struck by how different my children are from each other, but as dissimilar as they are, their attitudes and effort toward science fair projects are remarkably similar. When the project is assigned, they feel no sense of urgency or excitement. They know they will have to do it, but they wait until the last minute to take on the challenge. None of them have been inspired to turn in the best project; they are not motivated to win. Inevitably, they each wait until the weekend before it is due, and they methodically check each point off of the rubric in hopes of doing good enough to get a “B”. As they near completion of the project, their spirits rally; they find pride in their work and their hope begins to swell. They invite their dad to come inspect the work, because they know he will be proud and praise them. They needed my help every step of the way. They could not gather or afford supplies on their own. They needed guidance in their lack of ability to see the big picture. They would have loved it if I had just done the entire project for them (and truthfully, I would have done a much better job), but as I stood in the wings, with my hands in my pockets, their confidence grew. I supplied the tools, overview and encouragement and then I backed off; I always remained close by if they had questions or needed advice, and I was there to praise them when they finished.

This morning, my daughter’s pride and pleasure in her project will fade. She will compare her project to the other ones that are bigger, neater and more beautiful. Her project will be judged by many and marked up by one or two. She may lose sight of the joy she found in learning something new and the contentment she enjoyed last night will be forgotten.

I realized this morning that I tackle so much of life like an 8^th grade science project. Our Heavenly Father is such a great teacher. He has prepared and established good works for me. He has given me all the tools, instructions and encouragement I need, but I drag my feet. I see the pile of laundry and shopping list and give it a higher priority than serving my neighbor. I turn on the “Today Show” instead of spending the time praying for missionaries. I get so intimidated about the bigger, kingdom projects, and when I do obey, I am tempted to think that I have done something really great. I swell with pride, because my “stuff” looks good. I forget that God doesn’t need me to help establish His kingdom. He can do a much better job without me. He is showing me His incredible love by including me in the “project”. I get to learn and receive the joy of His pleasure through obedience. The creator of mountains and oceans and volcanoes praises me for my little baking soda and vinegar volcano effort. He reminds me that His pleasure is in my obedience and not in how my stuff compares to others. My joy is complete in Him, and not in how beautifully my project stacks up to others. I also need to remember that my value is not diminished when other people’s projects are bigger, neater and more beautiful. My assignment is to do the very best with what He has prepared for me. He is always with me. He has provided me with all the tools I need, and He is patiently allowing me to learn while He listens, answers and encourages. When my sight is limited, I can trust Him, because He sees the bigger picture. Oh How I love Him.

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”

Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

“The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’

Matthew 25:21 (NLT)

 

A few weeks ago, I attended an incredibly beautiful wedding. There were not any bridesmaids or groomsmen. Most in attendance wore jeans and casual clothes. The bride wore a second-hand dress and the groom wore his best khaki suit. Loving church members made the food and the cake was from Wal-Mart. At the reception, someone connected an I-pod to a speaker, and we all “Did the Dougie”.

The wedding was held at the Neighborhood Christian Center in downtown Memphis. The bride and groom were from Orange Mound (One of the poorest zip codes in our country). I have spent a lot of time this year in Orange Mound making friends and doing life with the bride (Mary) and her neighbors. It was an honor to attend her beautiful marriage ceremony.

I love being invited to weddings. I have been to some really beautiful ones, but the beauty on display at Mary’s wedding will stay with me. When Mary entered the room, her groom, Sylvester, started weeping. As he leaned on his cane, his arm shook and knees trembled. He used the sleeve of his free hand to wipe the droves of tears that cascaded down his cheeks. Mary took timid steps as she navigated the 20 feet to the altar in high heel shoes that she wasn’t used to wearing.

There was no one to escort Mary down the aisle or give her away, and when she reached the front, the minister kept Sylvester and Mary apart as he gave his homily. I watched them long to hold, support and fortify each other. When they were invited to hold hands and exchange vows, I prayed earnestly for Mary to be able to make it through her vows. Mary has a severe stutter. It takes her close to 20 seconds to gather her breath, calm her heart and utter the first syllable in any attempt to speak. As she made promises to love and support Sylvester, the minister kept patting her on the back and encouraging her to take her time. Witnessing her effort could have been painful to some, but that day, every person in the room was united in their prayers and love for Mary.

Sylvester and Mary exchanged rings and were pronounced “man and wife” and then the minister remembered that the couple had wanted to light a unity candle. As he backtracked and led them back up the stairs, we all remained standing while they each took their individual candles and lit the unity candle. In order to complete the lighting, the bride and groom each need to extinguish their original candles. Sylvester blew his out, but Mary couldn’t. Because of her stutter and nerves, she could not even make the flame of her candle waver. Her arm shook as she kept trying to no avail, and then her groom took her candle, blew it out, put both candles down and embraced his bride.

I wept. The tenderness of that moment was beautiful. In the first minute of their marriage, the groom was already protecting and cherishing his bride. He was her strength, and even her breath, when she didn’t have any. She received his strength and met it with respect and love. Although poor, they are truly rich. Mary stutters and Sylvester cannot walk without a cane, but together they walk and speak with joy.

Basking in these beautiful memories, I am reminded of how important perspective is. We love to celebrate our independence and self-sufficiency, and in doing so, we minimize the value of need. People need people and they love to be needed. The most beautiful moment in Mary’s wedding was when her need was at its greatest. We miss the most beautiful things when our focus is narrow. The truly beautiful is found in peculiar places. We need to celebrate our weaknesses because they allow God’s strength to shine. We need to praise our kids for their tender hearts and their perseverance through the muck of growing up. Their days of frustration are just as valuable as their days of public accolade. When we are asked if we need help or prayers, we should be specific. Be authentic instead of glossy. You can be a blessing to others when you do the messy work of doing life together.

“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

 

“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.” Ecc 3:11 (NLT)

Everyone is talking about, blogging about and going to see Fifty Shades of Grey. Christian bloggers are verbose and pervasive in their Fifty Shades bashing. My favorite 4-screen, small, artistic movie theater has gone mainstream and is showing the film on 2 screens. Millions have read it and millions more will watch it. To tell the truth, I dabbled in it. When the book came out in paperback, I bought it while on a vacation. About 6 chapters in, my conscience woke up and I threw it in my hotel trashcan. Ironically, the housekeeping staff must have thought my pitch was a mistake and they retrieved it and placed it on my fluffed bed pillow. Thankfully, they removed it with the trash the following day.

I have not seen the film or finished the book, so I cannot speak with authority on why the film and book is so harmful to our minds and love lives, but I will happily echo the warnings of others.

Because the film is a mainstay in the media this week, I have discussed the harmfulness of the film with my daughters. Pat and I consistently warn them to guard their hearts. By God’s design, they are to be loved and protected and cherished. Like their mom, they are very visual creatures. What we see, sticks. When our emotions get involved, our actions and values evolve. Like my mom used to say, “What’s down in the well comes up in the bucket.”

In our Fifty Shades heart to heart, we also discussed the danger of the show “Friends”. I love the show. I am a Monica. The 22-minute escape into laughter and silliness has given me needed giggles over the last 20 years. Its emergence on Netflix has reintroduced it into our home. I am pretty certain that I have never read negative Christian blogs on the show and I can’t imagine that 100% of my friends don’t enjoy it too. I do think it should come with a strong warning. Friends and Fifty Shades are visually and emotionally enticing. One taps into our libido and the other tickles our funny bone; both hook us emotionally and have the potential to shape our values and actions. They mainstream sex outside of marriage and ridicule the beauty of virginity until marriage. When we are entertained by and binge on these emotionally triggering ideals, we can lose sight of what is really beautiful.

I am not casting stones. I would be lined up so far back at the end of the stone casting line. I just think it is important to be savvy and protective consumers of everything we choose to see. It is so easy to jump on the Fifty Shades bashing bandwagon; it takes a disciplined sense of alertness to be convicted by the offensive when it is wrapped up in humor.

When the girls were little, we used to sing the song, “Be careful little eyes what you see.” The song concludes with these words, “For the Father up above is looking down in love…..” The Father up above loves all of us. He wants us to be careful consumers because He knows what will bring us joy and not harm. He has created incredible beauty and wonder for our consumption. Friends and Fifty Shades are just 2 out of thousands of harmful vision cripplers. We have the opportunity to be proactive. Fill up on the good stuff and you won’t have a hunger for the harmful.

 “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” Phil 4:8 (NKJV)

Our youngest daughter turns 14 today. We have been in love with her for 13 years and 2 months. It is hard to believe. Our adoption journey to Russia seems like it happened moments ago, and yet so much has happened.

When we held Mary Moore for the first time, she was an 8 and ½ lb. 10 month old. She had vacant eyes, scaly skin, and she barely moved. Her diminutive size and lack of interaction was frightening. When she began connecting to the new world around her, she hated it. You wouldn’t believe the volume and pitch that could come out of something so tiny. Our greatest emotion toward M2 was love. We wanted to shower her with it; we wanted to hold her and rock her and sing to her. We wanted to feed her, stroll her around and play with her. She was confused and scared; everything in her world had changed and she was slow to acclimate. She was 100% ours but she didn’t feel like it.

When we traveled to Russia in 2001, we adopted M2 in a Moscow courtroom 2 days before we met her. Our child was over 2,000 miles away in a Siberian baby house. Before we met her, she was ours. When the gavel came down in that Moscow courtroom, the adoption was complete; nothing could change her status or security as a Nelson. There wasn’t an ounce in M2’s body that felt like a Nelson at that point.

Over the last 13 years Mary Moore has come into herself. The loving touch she shunned in her early days is now something she craves and quickly extends to others. She is outgoing and funny. She loves to eat all the things the rest of our family loves. She loves fashion and gymnastics. She has a southern accent and just like her siblings, she needs to be encouraged to clean her room and do her homework. She is as much a Nelson as any of her siblings were at 14. She isn’t through learning. There are adult Nelson lessons and opportunities that will come in the future. There will be more responsibilities and privileges that she will embrace when the time is right, and at that time she will understand even better what it means to be a Nelson. She was adopted in November of 2001, but she continues to grow in her understanding and “adoptedness” as she spends time with Nelsons. She was adopted; she is being adopted and she will be more adopted in the future. Her adoption was 100% and sure at the bang of the gavel, but adoption is also a process that she continues to grow in.

The experience of living through adoption has given me a sweet picture of understanding my own adoption and salvation. When I asked Jesus into my heart, my salvation was complete. I was 100% saved and my security in that salvation was sure. In the years since then, I have continued to be saved. I was saved; I am being saved, and I will be totally saved when Jesus returns or calls me home. Although my salvation was sure in an instant, there have been many moments, days and seasons that I haven’t acted much like a child of God. The more time I spend learning about my Heavenly Father and the more time I spend talking with Him, and searching for ways to obey Him, the more I understand and appreciate what it means to be a member of His family. I am being conformed into the likeness of my brother, Jesus. I am growing in my love for my Abba, Father. The experiences and learning opportunities that happen every day are God’s tender way of molding me. I am learning and reflecting more of what it means to belong to this heavenly family. There continue to be so many things I do that wound and hurt my Father and I feel like I don’t belong in this family, but these times are beautiful testimonies that reflect the Father’s love for a disobedient child. When I sin, He doesn’t kick me out of the family. He doesn’t turn His back on me or mock or deride me. He is even more gracious than we are as parents when our kids screw up. He forgives me, sets me back upright, and embraces me with His strong daddy arms. One day soon, I will be saved from everything that hinders me from being like Jesus. When I am with Jesus, I will be like Him, and when that day comes, I will completely understand and be able to sing about the incredible beauty of adoption. I was saved; I am being saved, and I will be saved. AMEN!

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.” Ephesians 1:3-6 (NKJV)

“For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.” Romans 8:14-16 (NKJV)

Today is Homecoming at our son’s high school. The game and dance are tonight, but first, there is a pep rally this morning. Our son attends an all boys’ school and the pep rallies are very different than the average American pep rally. There are the typical cheers and skits, but the pinnacle moment of the morning is “Roll Call”. “Roll call” can be vicious and is rarely, if ever, uplifting. The cheerleaders are given a script where they make fun of each of the athletes that will be competing that night. The boys all seem to love it; they cheer and high five each other after every roasting. I hate it. Today will be the 3^rd time I have gotten to sit and listen to these kids get mocked. It is a school tradition and one I will never be able to appreciate, as I haven’t lived in that boy world culture.

This week, my son and I tried to figure out what he would get roasted for at the pep rally. He has had a bumpy year and felt there was plenty of ammunition to choose from. In the world of teenage boys, there is always plenty to parody as evidenced by decades worth of this pep rally roasting. Our  best guess this year is that his taunt will have something to do with his mom’s blog. My first reaction to this possibility was laced with uneasiness, but that apprehension was quickly replaced with joy. I would love to divert any heat from my kids and have it redirected to me. That is how a mother’s heart works.

It is highly likely that each parent reading this has volunteered to take the heat for his or her kid. When faced with an uncomfortable situation, we tell our kids to make excuses like, “My parents needed me to stay at home”, or “My mom was running late.” Kids have enough tough lessons to deal with and sometimes, it can be a pleasure to step in and take the consequences and malaise for them.

This joy of stepping in and taking the heat for our kids gives us the tiniest insight into the joy Jesus has in taking consequences for us. No one really looks forward to pain, or getting mocked or dealing with shame. The sting of sin hurts and we all wish it could be avoided.

The most horrible pain and shame imaginable is what Jesus stepped in and took for us . He took it for the joy set before Him, because we are that precious to Him. The consequence of sin was unavoidable, but instead of letting us get what we deserve, Jesus stepped in. Jesus loves us more than we have ever loved our kids and He didn’t hesitate to take our punishment. He was mocked, ridiculed, beaten and killed for us. He embraced His role because He loves us so much.

Raising kids takes endurance; most things in life do. We can take great courage and consolation as we love, raise, discipline and sometimes take the heat for our kids. We are surrounded by generations of parents that have gone before us and are cheering us on. They are pulling for and praying for us. They understand all the pain and joy that comes with parenting; Jesus knows it better than anyone.

Dear friends and precious parents, keep your eyes on Jesus. He will hold your hand every step of the way. It gave Him great joy to step in and take all the pain that you deserved. He took it all completely and He completely loves you.

“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Hebrews 12:1-2 (NKJV)