catherine - 5/16 - Catherine Nelson

Tonight is the night that football season begins at our son’s high school, and in all likelihood, he will be playing in the game. The Nelsons are excited, ready and incredibly surprised. Our son, David, is a senior and has never played high school football. Football is a completely new and welcome adventure for us. I know next to nothing about it and as a result, I don’t have any expectations, advice to give, or anxiety to give in to. I am just along for this joy ride. I am also amazed and thankful that this is God’s answer of “No” to years of other prayers.

David began playing year-round basketball when he was 9 years old. He worked hard at it and found success along the way. His basketball talent directed his college hopes and outlook. In our basketball-obsessed home, I spent as many hours praying for, worrying about and advising David as I spent watching him play. We are talking about 1,000’s of hours and prayers. I adore my son. I’m proud of him and I was sure that I knew what was best for him. Over the last few years, I watched him lose love for the game. The stress that accompanied his sense of responsibility to perform and excel was heavy. I missed his smile. There are few things more painful for a mom than to watch their children lose hope and confidence. I didn’t understand. I tried to encourage and I prayed and prayed. My habitual prayers that God would keep him safe and successful on the court began to include that God would restore his joy. I prayed for encouragement through recruiting and that God would divinely intervene and renew a sense of passion and enthusiasm. I was sure that a great performance or praise and promises from colleges would light him up and revitalize him. When he disclosed to us that he had made a decision not play basketball in college, I was bewildered and blue. I felt let down that God had said “No”. I wanted to manipulate and find a way to change his mind. I had invested so much and wasn’t ready to let go of my dreams for him. I had prayed that God would restore his joy and I clearly intended for the joy to be restored within the game and not for the boy to leave the game behind. When you spend countless hours investing in the temporary, temporary joy becomes your dominant ambition.

Football and the pleasure we have from this new adventure is temporary too, but it is a good and perfect gift. Just like the fading flower and withering grass, football has a short season. It is so tempting to live for the temporary, especially when the temporary is terrific. We recognize a good thing and want it to last forever. We ask God to bless the way we believe is best. When God’s best plan is different than the one we chose, we often feel resigned and obediently crabby to abide on His new path. We should not be so misguided as to pout when put on a new path and we absolutely should not wait to rejoice until our temporary circumstances improve.

Over the years, my prayers for my children have changed. The more time I spend praising God for who He is and thanking Him for what He has done, the less I am motivated to pray for the temporary. As I focus on the eternal, there is so much less stress. My joy is focused on the giver and not the gifts. My kids will win and they will lose. They will be given awards and injuries. They will be targets of praise and of slander and gossip. All of these things are seasonal. My greatest prayer is that each of my children would love Jesus even more than I do.

God has given our family a sweet temporary gift with a new football adventure. It seems He has also said “No” to the plan that I was sure was best for my son… this is also a gift, and yet the greatest gift He has given to all of us is His love and forgiveness. His love for us is not temporary; it is eternal. If we find our joy in anything other than Him, we will live a life of disappointment and disillusionment. When our feelings and emotions are based on the fulfillment of dreams and pain of broken dreams, we will live in an exhausting state of anxiety. Real joy comes from the eternal God and our pursuit to live a life based on a relationship of faith in Him; when it is, we can wake up every day full of thankfulness and hope. God is so good. He gives great gifts…temporary and eternal. He is the Father of Lights and Friday Night Lights. Rejoice in all of it.

“All flesh is grass,

And all its loveliness is like the flower of the field.

The grass withers, the flower fades,

Because the breath of the Lord blows upon it;

Surely the people are grass.

The grass withers, the flower fades,

But the word of our God stands forever.” Isaiah 40:6-8 (NKJV)

 

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” James 1:17 (NKJV)

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,

And naked shall I return there.

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;

Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21 (NKJV)

 

Last night we did a bang up job of celebrating a Friday night on our new porch. Around 5:00 some of our neighbors dropped in for appetizers and a glass of wine. They had to leave around 6:30, but within 5 minutes of their departure, another group popped over, so we started over. We uncorked more wine and polished off the appetizers. Dinner plans were forgotten as we consumed more wine and all but licked cracker crumbs off the appetizer platter. I was asleep by 9. Friday night’s festivities led to a groggy, shame-laced Saturday morning. My first thought of the morning was, “I had too much wine”, and my second thought was, “I don’t really feel like getting up and having a quiet time.”

With little pluck and less spring, I quieted my fuddled brain, drifted back out to the porch and prayed. I felt an idiotic sense of hypocrisy as I praised the Lord for how great He is while concurrently feeling the aftermath of last night’s wine. I was hesitant to be vulnerable, to offer praises or petitions, because I felt a need to put a guard up after letting my guard down last night. How colossally stupid! God loves me, because He loves me. He doesn’t get more excited when I approach His throne on good days when I have served the poor, shared my testimony or been obedient, and He doesn’t turn His omniscient nose up at me and look at me with unrelenting eyes when I am aware of my sin and approach in meekness.

So often, many of us get confused and think that our walk with Jesus is about us and about how we feel, but that is backwards. Our relationship is about Him. We spend time with Him and praise and worship Him and read His word, because it is what we were created to do. We certainly benefit from time spent with the Lord, but when we pursue Christ for OUR benefit, we have missed the point. He is holy and perfect and righteous, and whether we have A+ performance days or D- days, they are really all F’s if the grade is based on our achievements.

“ For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9 (NKJV)

As much as I wish that none of my learning would come from making mistakes, I am so grateful for what I learn on those imperfect days. I am often an idiot. It is idiotic to avoid my savior when I am ashamed. He knows my sin. He endured the penalty and shame for my sin and it was while I was covered in my sin that He chose to love me. I’m an even bigger idiot for ever approaching His throne with any sense of accomplishment or self-righteousness. It was His grace that taught my heart to fear. He opened my eyes. He gave me a hunger for His word. He changed my heart. He did it all. He receives this idiot day after day and loves me because He chooses to. He loves you too and He chooses to everyday and for forever.

“But we are all like an unclean thing,

And all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags;” Isaiah 64:6 (NKJV)

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,

A broken and a contrite heart—

These, O God, You will not despise.” Psalm 51:17 (

My five-year dream project and summer venture is almost finished. The Porch is beautiful. Within a week or two the last electrical and other fine tunings should be complete and I am anxiously excited. I cannot wait for so many of you to come join me for coffee or a glass of wine. I am daydreaming of parties to hold and family dinners, football game and derby viewing festivities, naps, quiet times, Christmases and fireside concerts. I want my family to build memories and log hours of laughter here. I want you to come too. I want friendships to deepen and new relationships to form.

This weekend, my husband and some of his Crossfit friends moved all the furniture in. The minute they left, I rushed around our home, digging through the garage, attic and other cabinets looking for things I could adorn all my tables with. I jetted over to Michael’s and the Fresh Market for plants and knick-knacks, because I was so excited. I can see the finish line and it inspired me and fueled my energy. With so little time left, I felt a sense of urgency that I didn’t feel when the project was at its onset.

As I gazed out my bedroom window this morning while trying to concentrate on my Bible and prayer time, I witnessed the men, who have made my yard their place of employment, sing, whistle and construct with new energy. They know their work is coming to a close and they seem inspired to hasten. There is still work to be done, but time is running short and everyone is inspired to finish. As I continued to drift between porch dreaming and prayer, I was reminded of how urgent it is that I stay on task for what I am called to. You and I are alerted all through scripture that these are the end times. Jesus is coming again and one day soon, every knee will bow to Him and everyone on the planet will recognize His Lordship and Kingship.

I have many friends who do not know Jesus personally and I have not been driven to share the beautiful and life-saving gospel with them. I am ashamed that I have not lived with as much people passion as I have porch passion.

In all truth, I care so much more about spending eternity with my precious friends and family in a place extremely more exquisite than my porch. My small brain and limited imagination cannot fathom how wonderful heaven will be, and my heart cannot handle spending eternity without my unbelieving precious friends. Oh precious ones, Jesus is the ONLY way and the only truth and He is Life. My words are narrow-minded and not politically correct, but they are saturated in love.

Please stop the frenetic back to school pace for a minute and take time right now to put Jesus on the throne of your life.

Believing friends, get urgent! The task is almost done. The finish line is in sight. The banquet table has been set and a place has been prepared for you. Tell your friends. Love your neighbor enough that you care more about saving their life than making them feel comfortable.

We have choices to make with eternal consequences. Please ask questions and authentically love each other. Come pray with me and have some coffee on the porch. I welcome you with open arms, but the one who loves you more than you could ever imagine has bigger, stronger and more loving arms than anyone; He has them stretched open for you. Dive into His beautiful embrace. I love you. XOc

“God, who at various times and in various ways spoke in time past to the fathers by the prophets, 2 has in these last days spoken to us by His Son, whom He has appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the worlds; 3 who being the brightness of His glory and the express image of His person, and upholding all things by the word of His power, when He had by Himself[a] purged our[b] sins, sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, 4 having become so much better than the angels, as He has by inheritance obtained a more excellent name than they.”

Hebrews 1:1-4 (NKJV)

“For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; 10 that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; 11 strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; 12 giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light. 13 He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, 14 in whom we have redemption through His blood,[c] the forgiveness of sins.” Colossians 1:9-14 (NKJV)

 

I misunderstood something recently that completely ripped my heart open. Because I deeply respect and love this friend, I always pay attention to their ideas and insights, and so my misunderstanding led to confusion and deep heartache. I literally wept in my confusion and disillusionment.

The further I got away from the conversation, the less I accurately remembered what was said and my imagination spun the misunderstanding further. In the dark place where I finally landed, I questioned decades of excellent teaching and truths I had shaped my life around.

I tossed these thoughts around:  What if God isn’t who I have always believed Him to be? What if He didn’t create the heavens and the earth, and all the beauty we see is just by an accidental big bang? What if Jesus wasn’t present at creation and He was only a good man who didn’t rise from the dead and pay for my sins? And if that is true, what happens when we die? Is this all there is? Is my life only about carpools and casseroles and laundry? Is the best life has to offer just the small interludes of weddings and vacations and athletic victories? Are the answers to my prayers just coincidences? And… if following Jesus doesn’t really matter, my life is absurd and I am probably clinically insane. What if the prompting and warnings and encouragement that shape my thinking and actions aren’t from the Holy Spirit? What if they are just voices in my head? And how much time have I wasted on prayer and study and how much money have I thrown away by tithing? My life would be utterly ridiculous. I would truly be the most pitiable creature.

I asked my teenage daughters how they would feel if they learned that God wasn’t real and didn’t create everything, and how they would feel if they leaned that Jesus wasn’t God and that he never lived to save them. One daughter said that she would be terrified and the other one teared up and said, “My heart would be broken forever.”

If faithful Christians have gotten it all wrong over the centuries then we should all be terrified and incredibly heartbroken.

If Our God is not the awesome God that I know Him to be and if Jesus is not His beloved son who died for sinners and if His spirit is not active and living today, then we have no hope. It HAS to be true. If it isn’t, then none of us have a future or any hope.

Jesus Christ is the way and the truth and the life and clinging to that absolute truth is radically transforming. He was present at creation. He is God and He came to earth as a man in order to die for you and for me, because we are sinners in desperate need of saving. He loves us so much that He died and paid for our sin so that life could be more than carpools and casseroles. He rose from the dead so that we could too. We were dead and hopeless in our sin, but because Jesus rose from the dead and is still alive today, we can have life everlasting. When we follow Him and obey Him, His spirit invades our lives and radically changes each one of His children. This is the truth. It has to be true— it is true.

In our lives, there are all kinds of things that can get us off track. We stumble because of misunderstandings, sin, stubbornness, pride, insecurities and laziness; all of these can tempt us to doubt and lose sight of the truth, but Oh, dear friends Be vigilant to cling to the truth. God IS our firm foundation. He loves us and there is no confusion in Him. He fills us with understanding when we open His word. His spirit radically changes us. His son is our hope and our only way to salvation. Trust in His truth. Be transformed by His Spirit. He has made you a new creation. Entrust your lives to Him. He loves you and His love never fails.

(Jesus)  “Who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed.”               1 Peter 2:24 (NKJV)

“Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” John 14:6 (NKJV)

“Therefore, since Christ suffered for us[a] in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin,  that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God.” 1 Peter 4:1-2 (NKJV)

“If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men the most pitiable.” 1 Corinthians 15:19 (NKJV)

I will never be good. I hate that. I will always be selfish, and I hate that, and I hate that I am at the beach and I just totally blew it. This shouldn’t be too surprising, because I am human and because of that, sinning comes really easily to me. Right now, I am sitting on the balcony of a beautiful beach home. There isn’t a cloud in the sky. The surf is clear and glorious. The sand is sugary white. There is a refreshing breeze that helps deliver the happy scents of salt and sea to the relaxed beach community, and I am sitting out here pouting because my husband just hurt my feelings. This situation is perplexing and ridiculous. Everything around me is perfect, and even though my husband just screwed up, he adores me. I am healthy and loved. I have 4 fantastic kids, great friends and all a girl could hope to wish for, but in the blink of an eye, my sun-kissed cheeks get wet with selfish tears that escape as my mouth delivers piercing and hurtful paybacks for my wounded ego.

It doesn’t take much for tranquility to take a nosedive. It is so easy for our seemingly harmonious lives to get off pitch. It happens when our children get hurt, or our workplace suffers a setback. We feel totally shaky and out of balance when or health is jeopardized or our reputation is slandered or our relationships hit a roadblock. All these assaults knock us off our feet when we employ them to be our foundation of self-worth and happiness. It is so easy to do. We cling to the Lord when our problems are more than we can handle, but we don’t cling as tightly when life is breezy.

We need to be vigilant about clinging to Him and seeking Him and hungering for Him all the time. Our circumstances change, but He never does. We really MUST turn our eyes upon Jesus all the time. When we don’t, we are in danger of depending on husbands, or health, or the happiness of our children or money or reputation for our security.

The beach is a sacred and precious place to me. It always reminds me of God’s power and love for me. When I take the time to look around and be still and listen, the constant rhythm of the crashing waves echo the constancy of my Heavenly Father’s character. He always picks me up when I fall. He always stretches out His strong arms to embrace me. He always forgives, always listens, always heals and guides and comforts and loves me in such a tender and beautiful way. The crash and roll of these waves never stop, but while they roll, there are interruptions. There is a loud little bird that keeps squawking on the dunes in front of me. A helicopter breaks up the cloudless blue sky with invitations to happy hour at the local bar and grill. Parents drag their whining kids and sandy tents and toys back to the adjacent units and 4-wheelers speed across the sand in route to serve the suntanned vacationers, but the waves never stop. My attention to them falters as the distractions interrupt their awesomeness, but the waves never fail.

Dear friends, please learn with me today about trusting in our Heavenly Father even when are lives are beachy. Husbands and kids and health and earthly security fail, but He NEVER does. He is the only one who has determined your self-worth, and He says you are precious. Seek Him all the time. Seek to know and be like His son. He is your strong tower and safe harbor and you need Him even when Life’s a beach.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” James 1:17 (NKJV)

“Bless the Lord, O my soul;

And all that is within me, bless His holy name!

Bless the Lord, O my soul,

And forget not all His benefits:

Who forgives all your iniquities,

Who heals all your diseases,

Who redeems your life from destruction,

Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies.” Psalm 103: 1-4 (NKJV)

I have relentlessly been praying for something for years. It has seemed to me that it must be God’s will to answer “Yes” to my prayer, but nothing has happened. Well, that isn’t exactly true. Plenty has happened, and all of it has been negative. The predicament I have been praying about…relentlessly… for years has gotten progressively worse. In the beginning, I was so hopeful and confident that God would do something amazing. I knew that it might take time, but I truly believed that my will and God’s will had to be the same in regards to my situation. I embraced the battle cry of Jacob when he wrestled with the angel and I incorporated his cry into my prayer, “I will not let go until You bless me.” (Genesis 32:26) In my estimation, there was only one right way for God to answer; He had to answer “Yes”. This relentless wrestling with God…that has gone on for years… has become an obsession. I have spent hours on my knees about it. This prayer has led me to question my walk with Christ and the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life. My moods have sometimes been dark and twisty as I have let my thoughts and insecurities mushroom. I never doubted that God hears me or loves me, but I have done a pretty brutal job of beating up on myself because I haven’t gotten the answer I wanted. I have convinced myself that I have done something wrong. As hope has faded to an opaque frontier, I have been pretty confused.

This week as I was wrestling with all of it again, I debated on whether or not God has said “No”. I would feel like such a failure if I actually let go. I believe that the Holy Spirit, who guides all of our prayer lives, was the one who encouraged me to pray, “I will not let go until you bless me”. How could I let go if God has said “No”? Could it be that God is just telling me to be patient and wait on Him? Could it be that I have been praying the wrong prayer? Am I just relentlessly stubborn, or stupid?

Have you ever wrestled with God about your prayers and His will? It seems so right that God would want to heal our broken bodies, or restore broken relationships or marriages. Wouldn’t it glorify Him more if the prayerful childless mom got pregnant, or if the unruly child got in line? Doesn’t He want the perfect bride to meet the perfect groom and start a beautiful Christian family? Why would God give me these desires or gifts and not give me the chance to use them? Have any of you felt this way? Have you prayed a prayer like one of these?

God does hear our prayers. He is El Roi, the God who sees us. He never fails. He is El Elyon, the sovereign God. He is all-powerful. He knows everything. He always loves us. He is faithful even when we are faithless, because that is His nature. In the case of my petition, He is the God who blesses me.

In My small human and blonde brain, I was tunnel-visioned in my thinking. I believed that I had to hang on until God said “Yes”, but the prayer I prayed relentlessly for years was “I will not let go until you bless me!” I forgot to remember that God can bless us so much by saying “No”. My journey isn’t over, and maybe someday, God will say, “Yes”, but I have found a delightful peace and freedom in His answer of “No”. I this bout of wrestling with God, He has given me a hunger for His word and He has filled me. I have rejoiced in the comfort of His strong embrace and been sweetly humbled by His love. I have celebrated victories and been able to count so many blessings, and now it seems that it is time to finally “Let Go”. I vowed that I wouldn’t until He blessed me and now I see so clearly that He has certainly blessed me. There can be great blessings when God says “No”. Who knows where He will lead me next, but wherever that new frontier is, He is the one I want to follow and glorify. He is so good when He says “Yes” and He is so good when He says “No”. Praise Be to God.

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” Romans 8:26 (NIV)

 “Now when He saw that He did not prevail against him, He touched the socket of his hip; and the socket of Jacob’s hip was out of joint as He wrestled with him. And He said, “Let Me go, for the day breaks.”

But he said, “I will not let You go unless You bless me!” Genesis 32: 25-26 (NKJV)

“If we are faithless,

He remains faithful;

He cannot deny Himself.” 2 Timothy 2:13 (NKJV)

The other day, I was having lunch with a bunch of friends and during the conversation, one of my friends said that she had run into my son at the grocery store. She told everyone at my end of the table how polite he had been. She spent about 5 minutes saying wonderful things about my kid to everyone. Those 5 minutes made my day. My heart was filled with pride and it gave me a great deal of joy that I am his mother. Hearing compliments about your kids goes far, but hearing someone tell other people how great your kid is goes a great deal farther.

Have you ever been in a situation where people praise and applaud someone else’s child? Have you listened to an adult sing about the merits of an excellent student or athlete or Good Samaritan? Can you imagine the heart swell the child’s parent would receive if she were able to eavesdrop on that complimentary conversation? I’m happy to imagine it. I would be over the moon if I were on aisle 4 of Kroger and could hear a group of ladies enthusiastically listing and agreeing upon the many merits of the Nelson kids. I’m getting a kick out of this daydream right now.

I am faithful about praying for my kids. I am confident that God hears my prayers and is capable of handling every petition I place before His throne. I have a pattern in my prayer life of wrapping up each request with the phrase “If it will bring you glory”. I pray, “Dear God, Please bless Bess’s relationship with X and allow it to grow… Please give David an irresistible passion for football… Please encourage Catey with success in her new project…. Please give M2 clarity as she takes her exam… if it will bring you glory.” I want to want what God knows is best for each of my children, but I also want my plans for them to be plans that He is pleased to grant. I think that if He answers “Yes” to my requests then these things must somehow glorify Him.

Here’s the deal folks: We were created for God’s glory. Sometimes He chooses to use us in circumstances to glorify Himself. He can receive glory in the end zone when a football player uses his skill to score a touchdown. He can receive glory when an “A” is penned on an Algebra exam. He can receive glory through relationships and jobs well done, but without a shadow of doubt, He DOES receive glory when we tell people how wonderful His son is.

We glorify the Lord when we talk about Jesus. Jesus has done so much for you and for me. He is so perfect and patient and forgiving and strong and kind and fun and beautiful. When God the Father hears me telling a friend or neighbor or stranger how excellent His son is, God gets the joy and glory and crown. We don’t have to wonder how to glorify God. It is just so simple: talk about his son! You don’t have to have a lot of gifts, skill, or talent. Just use what you have. This is why you were created.

When I was an awkward teenager, I remember seeing a poster that said, “Witness at all times and when absolutely necessary, use words.” I appreciated the thought as actually telling people about Jesus seemed preachy and invasive, but now that I have grown into an awkward adult, I see the power and necessity of words.

In my entire life, I have never had someone approach me and ask me why do I appear so joyful or peaceful. If they had, I would have happily told them about Jesus.

You and I don’t need to (and frankly shouldn’t) wait for others to ask us about our faith. We don’t hesitate to compliment our kids or the excellence of other people’s kids. Why then are we so hesitant to talk about the excellence of God’s perfect son? God does not need us to glorify Himself. He is perfectly radiant without our help. How incredible is it though, that we are invited to contribute to the awesomeness of bringing God glory?

You were created for God’s will and His glory. Get to it. It’s time to start talking about Jesus.

“I will praise the Lord according to His righteousness,

And will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High.” Psalm 7:17 (NKJV)

“For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen.” Romans 11:36 (NVJV)

“You are worthy, O Lord,[a]

To receive glory and honor and power;

For You created all things,

And by Your will they exist[b] and were created.”

Revelation 4:11 (NKJV)