I got involved in a conversation earlier this week where I was asked if I thought The United States should get involved in the ISIS/ Syria crisis. My off-the-cuff answer was that I hoped the solution was already established in our compliance with our NATO membership and agreement of the statutes within its treaty.
As a general rule, decision-making can be made easier if a structure on how to deal with a problem is established before the problem surfaces. When an organization is not clear about where they stand, and a crisis occurs, emotions, fears and insecurities detract from the fluidity of decision-making.
The NFL has been submerged in a dilemma on how to deal with their athletes who are accused of domestic and child abuse because they had not pre-established how to handle this atrocity. On the other side of the coin, the schools my children attend have no hesitation in dealing out Saturday schools, the exercise of writing out “The Rules of Civility”, suspensions and even expulsions. There are zero-tolerance policies that alleviate the stress of negotiation and governing.
On the same evening of my ISIS crisis conversation, one of my teenagers chose to break a Nelson family rule. I was heart-broken and very unsure of how to handle it. We all knew the rules. We all knew the consequences. It should be as clear as black and white on what I should do, because it had been established beforehand. Pat was out of town and having learned from past experiences (and the wisdom of John Rosemond), I decided that “bringing down the hammer” could wait. Waiting was the right decision.
My family is not a school, business or an organization. My family is a group of 6 people united in relationship. We have rules and there are consequences when the rules are broken, but there is always room for mercy.
As Christian parents, our call is to model the behavior of God…. our “Abba Father”. I found myself in a parenting situation that pulled me into prayer and the privilege of seeking wisdom in Scripture. I was reminded how for centuries in the Old Testament, God established rules for his chosen people. These beloved Israelites knew the rules, but they habitually disobeyed. God used Moses and the prophets and the judges to tell His children the foolishness of their disobedience and God did discipline them, but He was consistently merciful. He never wiped them out because of their foolish disobedience. He knew they were weak and He loved them.
Showing love to our children must include discipline, but I am certain that showing love to our children doesn’t follow a formula. I am learning from experience and from making mistakes. I am growing in my understanding of who God is and what He is like. I am so very thankful that He is a God of mercy.
The rule breaking my teenager did is really not any different from the rule breaking I do. I am so often foolish, stubborn and selfish. My spirit longs to be free, but my flesh is so weak. In His mercy, God has convicted me of my sin, disciplined me and been steadfast in the way he pushes, chisels and molds me. It is never pleasant, but always full of His mercy and love toward me.
When Pat got back in town, we were able to talk with, pray with and lovingly discipline our teen. We know that we must be consistent in order to be trusted, but we have also learned that in families mercy should always be factored into our discipline. I would love to know what you think or if you agree or disagree. Please let me know. XO c
“But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.” 2 Peter 3:18 (RSV)
“I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy.” Exodus 33:19b (RSV)
“Because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” Proverbs 3:12 (NIV)