The “I Hate Mom” Monster

The first time the “I hate Mom Monster” arrived in our home, our oldest child was about 3. This monster is not very clever or scary, and he is so easy to bait. All I have to do in order to get a glimpse of him is to tell my children “No”. He used to be much more obvious. 17 years ago, all I had to do to find him was to force naptime or not allow the consumption of excessive amounts of candy. When I enforced these rules, He would body snatch my adorable 3’ tall blonde and shrilling scream “I hate you!”. Today, he is no more clever or scary, but he is definitely sneakier. When I have the audacity to tell one of my teenagers, “No”, he has been known to carve his mantra into our craft table, Pen his favorite words into the hem of school uniforms, shout his tear-infused motto into pillows and use his agile angry fingers to text his creed to eager to listen teenage friends. He has also picked up some pretty colorful adverbs along the way that make his war cry much more sensational.

He likes to visit my girls more than my son, and 90% of the time, his attacks are aimed at me. Whether it is my proximity, femaleness, or lack of flexibility, Dad remains mostly unscathed. His darts don’t penetrate very deeply, and although they sting a little, they heal very quickly. He never stays very long in our house, and when he leaves, he is so quickly forgotten. There is always a time of tenderness and love-infused mending when he sulks out of the building.

Yesterday, his visit lasted less than an hour and although he came to hurt and disparage, he left our family with a beautiful gift. In the Nelson house, we tend to learn a lot more from our mistakes than we do from the easy-breezy times. When I confiscated her cell phone and sent the anger-laden princess to her isolation tower yesterday to hang out with the ridiculous monster, I received an e-mail from her 10 minutes into her banishment (Yes…. I forgot to also confiscate her computer). Here are some excerpts from her letter:

Mommy,

I want you to know that I didn’t mean what I said. And I was stupid…..I am so sorry for embarrassing you in front of my friends and making you seem like the bad guy. I should have listened to what you said before….. A few weeks ago at 3 degrees, (3 degrees is her youth group) Mallory talked about how much God did for us, and how He took the blame for us….. You give me so much grace that I don’t deserve, just like Jesus did. You are such a special person in my life, and I want you to know that I love you. I might not seem like it, but I really do love you. I am so blessed at the amazing works that God as done in my life. He has given me amazing parents, friends, a school, and I am so thankful. Please forgive me for being stupid and disrespectful. You don’t have to, but if you want to, I would really appreciate it if you could come upstairs and talk to me. I am so terribly upset and I feel awful. You are so precious to me….. I am sorry for always hurting your feeling just because I want to do something that I want to do…… This is not a letter from me asking to get my phone back or un-ground me. I could care less about my punishment. All I care about is making you feel special. I love you so much, and if you want to hear it from my mouth instead of on paper to see if I really mean it, then please come upstairs and talk to me because I would really appreciate it. I love you with all of my heart.

 

So, can you guess what I did? Of course, you can! I went upstairs and hugged her, wiped her tears and prayed with her. I assured her that she could never lose my love and no matter what she did, does, or will do, I will always have her back. She is mine. I don’t love her because of what she does right, and I don’t withhold my love when she screws up. I delight in her.

You and I are no different from entitled and surly teenagers. When things don’t go our way, we doubt God’s love for us. We focus on what He has restricted us from and we avoid His truth. We tune out His warnings and stubbornly choose our own way. When He lovingly corrects us, we shout our frustrations and tell our friends about it. While we rant, He patiently waits. When we come out of our cloud of confusion and anger, He embraces us. He meets us when we are still a long way off. When we rebel, He doesn’t quit loving us and He is no more incapacitated by our pity parties than moms are when daughters shout, “I hate you.” He is faithful when we are faithless. He is God and He loves us because we belong to Him. The things we do right or wrong do not affect his love.

Oh dear friends, please be encouraged and watch out for the dippy, silly, hair brained monsters that try to sneak in when you receive the answer “no.” Adopt this letter from my daughter as a beautiful prayer for our own conversations with Jesus. “He has blessed us so much”. “He has given us so much.” Apologize for hurting His feelings because of our own selfish pursuits. Embrace the passion of “making Him feel special.”

“See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!” 1 John 3:1a (NLT)

 

“This is real love–not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.”

1 John 4:10 (NLT)