Agape Love Archives - Page 6 of 8 - Catherine Nelson

A few years ago, I was able to take a very special trip with my parents and brother. We traveled on a large ship with about 40 other passengers through the Aegean Sea as we visited the 7 churches of Revelation. Anne Graham Lotz was our teacher and as I received her teaching for 3 weeks, I grew in my love for the Lord, His church and His word. I was also blessed to build friendships with my fellow sojourners, including Anne’s husband, Danny.

Danny is a man that people notice right away. He is very tall and almost always smiling. His smile dominates his face. He is a hugger and a storyteller. He is animated and gentle and he passionately loves his family and the Lord. I loved spending time with Danny. My favorite memory of our time together was during an afternoon on deck. As our ship sailed along, Danny and I stood at the railing and He was telling stories about his family. Like most families, the Lotz’s had their share of heartaches. He alluded to their recent trial and he continued talking. He assumed that because they are a well-known family, I would know what he was talking about. I had absolutely no clue, and so I interrupted him. I told Danny that I couldn’t and didn’t want to pretend to understand what he assumed I knew. I felt a little stupid and rude for interrupting, but I really loved Danny and I wanted to understand. His reaction reassured me that I said the right thing. Danny gave me the biggest hug and his massive smile grew another inch, and then he thanked me for being honest.

That sweet moment served as a platform for a deeper and authentic friendship with Danny. I would have missed such a blessing if I had been rigidly polite while nodding my head, in my well-coached southern manner. Most of the time, I learn more from my mistakes than from what I happen to get right, but the lesson I learned from being authentic with Danny has stuck with me. Today, when I don’t understand something, I am pretty quick to admit it.

This lesson shouldn’t be difficult for any of us to embrace. We tell our children to seek the help of their teachers when they are stumped in their academic lessons. We Google anything and everything we don’t know about, and we seek answers in the Bible when we are struggling with spiritual questions. We seek medical help for physical conundrums and professional help when our tennis or golf swing is out of whack. We need to apply our hunger for understanding in our relationships too.

What is the point in being as busy as we are and filling up our calendars with all that we do, if we are not deeply investing in people along the way? I feel so loved and encouraged when the question of, “How are you doing, Catherine?” is followed up by a second or 3^rd more detailed question. I believe most people want to be known, and they want to tell you more than how their day was or how their weekend was. Even if they don’t trust you with their stuff, just by asking, you have let them know you care.

We are on this planet to love the Lord and love people. We cannot do that in a sterile, icy-polite, frenzied manner. We have a short time here to be authentic in our love for others and to be authentically vulnerable in the sharing of ourselves. If you have a minute, please help me learn. What are some of the best questions you have been asked, or a great question you asked someone else?

I miss Danny, but I am so thankful for the lesson I learned from him. Oh precious friends, don’t miss out on the blessing of being real.

“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” Col 3:12 (NLT)

Last week on a very long flight, I had a really chatty seatmate. My husband was seated 20 rows ahead of me and I was all the way in the back of the plane… one row in front of the bathroom. Bob sat down beside me. Bob was wearing a reflective vest, cowboy hat and a heavy beard. By appearance alone, you could tell that Bob was quite a character. He maximized the space next to me and could not figure out how to fasten his seatbelt. I helped him and asked if this was his first flight. Sometimes all it takes is one simple question in order to prompt the telling of a lifetime of stories. It was not his first flight, but it was his first in 40 years. Bob had spent the last 40 years in prison for killing someone. He met his 5^th wife in prison and proudly showed me her picture and talked about her bra size. He actually thought I would like to know all of his wives bra sizes… I did not and I responded by pulling my jacket tighter around my own chest. Bob was flying out west to drive a truck back to the east coast. He filled the next hour with prison stories and trucking fantasies. My dismissive, southern, soft-spoken responses only stimulated more stories from Bob. I was failing miserably in politely shutting him up, so I got out my 8lb Bible and journal in order to clue him in that I was done listening. I figured I had treated him like Jesus long enough. In my clever mind, I was sure that bringing out the Bible was obvious, although blatantly rude. My attempt to help Bob put a sock in it backfired. Bob saw my Bible and got fired up. He met Jesus in prison and wanted to tell me all about it. I was humble enough to giggle inside over the blunder of my Bible stunt. I could fill up pages of Bob stories, but there is one among the dozens I listened to that day that has stuck with me all week.

Bob had some crazy theology. In the middle of his testimony, I sneezed. Bob told me that I was allowing Satan to have control in my life. He didn’t believe that Jesus had ever been sick and that we are called to be perfect just as Jesus is perfect. (Matthew 5:48). Bob believes that Christians have the power over sickness and that we are called to perfection in our health. He suggested that my sneezing is sin. Bob said that he had not been sick one day since becoming a Christian. Bob also had not been rained on since his conversion and told me stories of riding his Harley on dry roads as it rained on every side of him. I told Bob that I could not even pretend to agree with any of his radical thoughts. I was able to tell him of Jesus’s suffering and his compassionate empathy as He identifies with all of our pain. I showed him passages on the special privilege of suffering and how it shapes us and how one day we will be free from suffering. One day we will be perfect, but that day is not today.

I cannot wait until I see Jesus face to face and to be holy like He is.

“For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the body of His glory, by the exertion of the power that He has even to subject all things to Himself.” Philippians 3:20-21 (NIV)

We are living in an in-between time. Jesus conquered sin and death once and for all when He died on the cross. All my past, present, and future sins have been paid for. I am counted as righteous, because my life is hidden in Christ, but this side of heaven, I am going to sneeze and I am going to sin. We are living in a place akin to the island of misfit toys. Everyone here has missing buttons and broken parts. We don’t work perfectly and we are not what we are intended to be, but we are not going to remain here forever. Today, we are strangers and aliens. We instinctively know that there must be something better. Our better home has been prepared and it is promised; when we get there, we will be as perfect as it is, and we will fit in beautifully. We won’t sneeze or suffer or have to trudge through the rain. All our parts will work beautifully and we will love and be loved perfectly.

We are cherished today as we bump along in our “missfitness”, but our tomorrows will be better.

Today, we are called to encourage our fellow misfits. Bob and I are misfits and you are too and we are so deeply loved. Cling to the love of our perfect savior and His promised hope for tomorrow until we get off this island of misfit toys. XO

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
(Great is Thy Faithfulness)

“And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” John 14:3 (NIV)

If you don’t have stress about the holidays and you can’t fathom a freak out over the impending family get-togethers, this post is not for you….

The holidays and family reunions are just weeks away. Christmas decorations are going up and the first Christmas movies have already debuted at the theater. “Merry Friggin Christmas” is the first one I’ve noticed and from what I gather from the trailer, it is another movie that allows us to laugh at the chaos and stress holiday time usually brings.

I lead a small group of young women and we have been studying how to love like Jesus loves. We have been working through 1^st Corinthians 13 and all of us have realized how much prayer and help we need to really love others. As we wrestle through this book and give accounts of our own failures and struggles to love others, about half of the group has asked for prayers in dealing with and loving family members during the upcoming holidays. The group has shared their wounds and memories from holidays past and fears concerning the holidays at hand.

Like these young women, many of you know that the instruction to love and enjoy family will be a challenge in the weeks ahead. You cannot avoid the reunions. You feel the need to build up your defenses, plan an escape route and solicit the prayers of anyone who will take the time to pray. It is going to be tough and it is wise to be prepared. This season will likely be a battle and if this means war, we need to get ready.

Ephesians 6 confirms for us the truth that our lives are battlefields. Paul instructs the Ephesians and all of us to suit up in our defensive armor. One of the first armaments he tells us to put on is the breastplate of righteousness. Our righteousness is found in Christ alone, but I am so far from righteousness. I find that to be blatantly true when confronted with the challenge of loving certain people. I discovered another verse today where Paul was instructing another group of Christians on how to get ready for their relationship battles:

 “But let us who are of the day be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet the hope of salvation.” 1 Thessalonians 5:8 (NKJV)

There are profound and practically applicable truths in this verse for all who are anxious about the battles awaiting during this holiday season. We are of the day. The season and time is now and we cannot hide in the dark from these situations. We are to be alert and engaged. We should not avoid the battle or numb our engagement with fluff and façade. God designed relationships. He created families and the enemy loves to mess with family relationships. He often uses family members to launch his fiery darts (Ephesians 6:16). As we prepare for battle, we are not told to manufacture and collect our own darts. We should not be planning the perfect response or comeback to the imminent insults or looming jokes set for launch at our expense. We are told to put on the breastplate of faith and love.

We need a breastplate because the fiery darts are aimed at our heart. An actual flaming arrow has never wounded me, but I have burned myself before and I have felt the scorching pain of a deep cut. The physical pain of a wound doesn’t hold a candle to the pain of a wounded heart. It is only prudent and wise to put on protective heart gear. Our hearts are sensitive and vulnerable and we should expect to have darts launched at them. We must protect our hearts. We protect them by putting on a breastplate of faith and love. If our faith is in Jesus, we are protected. If our faith is in Jesus, we actually can love like He loves. If our faith is in Jesus, God considers us righteous. Jesus is the only one who loved perfectly, and we are armed with the truth that He perfectly loves us, and He will walk with us in battle. With the captain of Heaven’s armies leading the charge, we can follow His example and be patient and kind and not envy or boast.

As you prepare for your upcoming battle, suit up. Meditate on what it means to love and how to love like Jesus does. This is your breastplate! Know that as you march on as a soldier who loves the Lord, He will help you love the ones in your life that are difficult to love.

This battle will not last forever. Remember, you are also wearing the helmet of salvation. One day soon, you will love as perfectly as Jesus does, because you will be with Him. There will be no more war or tears. Have faith…there is great hope and perfect love just around the corner.

 “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NKJV)

 “In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.” Ephesians 6:16 (NLT)

I have had a favorite devotional book for years. Daily Light by Bagster and Lotz is a morning and evening compilation of verses linked together in complimenting themes. It is scripture alone, and it has been my source and guide for really meditating on and praying through God’s Word.

Last week, while praying through my Daily Light devotional, I found new understanding in this verse:

“This people I have formed for Myself; They shall declare My praise.” Isaiah 43:21 (NKJV)

In this verse, God is talking about His chosen people, Israel; He is also talking about you and me. God formed His chosen people and let’s not forget that He also chose them. He formed them and He selected them to be His very own. We need to observe and remember that He formed everyone. He created everything, but in His wisdom and goodness, He chose a segment for Himself. This was a purposeful choice. This choice is not all-inclusive. The word “This” is specific and limited. The verse does not read, “All people I have formed for myself”. Being included in or excluded from “This” group is hard to understand. As little as I know, I know this: God is always good. His ways are higher than my ways and they are perfect. I am undeserving but immensely blessed to be chosen by Him. He formed me. He died for me. He paid the price for my sins. He conquered death for me. He opened my eyes to His truth and He filled me with His Spirit. He did this for Himself and I am humbled and grateful that He did.

Most of you have found my blog through Facebook. If you are on Facebook, you have very likely been exposed to the happy pictures of engagements and those of girls celebrating their sororities. When a young woman is proposed to, she posts pictures of her ring and her groom. We see young men Instagram pictures with his affianced and add the title, “She said Yes!”. When a young girl is selected by a sorority, we are flooded with pictures of their new sisters and hand signals and colors and letters. All of these pictures are celebrating the joy of being chosen.

The engaged couples make it very clear to all of us who the groom is and who the bride is. The pledge makes certain we know which sorority chose her. There is no confusion and no inhibitions in the declaration of these relationships. Every time we are introduced to these celebrations, the chosen person tells us why her fiancé is so wonderful. We witness how beautiful the groom believes his bride to be. We know which co-ed pledged Chi-O and Tri-Delt and Theta. We would be obtuse to not recognize the difference, because the girls are thrilled to make it crystal clear. They know the honor of being chosen and they are excited to shout about it.

“This people I have formed for Myself; They shall declare My praise.” Isaiah 43:21 (NKJV)

Celebrating being chosen by God to be one of His special family members is a much bigger deal than being chosen by my husband or my college sorority and I am ashamed that I don’t always declare it. His people declare His praise. I often quiet my voice because I want people to like me. I would love for more people to read and share my blog and so I sometimes guard my passion in order to have my words be more palatable to a wider group of people.

This verse convicted me. I should celebrate like a sorority girl. I should be twitter-paited like a bride. I have been chosen! God created me to praise Him and to enjoy praising Him. Declaring His praise is the beautiful way others can learn about Him. I am not bragging about my family membership, because I didn’t do anything to deserve it. I’m not bragging, but celebrating… and as a family member, I am blessed to invite anyone who will listen to come and meet my Dad and join the family. My goal should never be to seek the approval and praise of people, but instead, it should be to seek people to join me in the Praise!

Oh precious family members, there is so much to celebrate. God is so good. He knew what He was doing when He formed you for Himself, so sing about it. Sing like a sorority girl. Dance like a chosen and beautiful bride. Shout like a happy groom. Enjoy what you were created to do and who you were chosen and created to be. It is a celebration to be chosen.

Yesterday morning, Memphis woke up to a light dusting of snow. The Nelson family celebrated it; we enjoyed hot chocolate and a warm breakfast. By the time the kids got home from school, the snow was only a morning memory.

Isaiah 1:18 says:

“Come now, let’s settle this,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.” (NLT)

The snow described in this passage cannot be compared to our November snow, but I often fall into the trap of believing it does. I wonder if any of you have the same trouble celebrating and truly believing how totally forgiven we are.

I cherish the peace that comes with confession. It is one of my greatest joys as a Christian to be fully aware of my sins… to know how desperately I need a savior…and then to be assured in scripture that Jesus paid the price for my sins. I rejoice when it is preached, retweet it when Tim Keller posts it, and leave my quiet time ready to let my gospel light shine when I meditate on this truth in the morning, but then I get in carpool line or lose my patience or grumble. I lose sight of the cross when I swim in guilt over sins that keep causing me to stumble. I am ashamed of my thoughts and actions and that shame clouds the beautiful truth and vision. The snow that covered my sins only seems to manifest as a Memphis November snow. It is a snow that does a temporary job of camouflaging, but only lasts for a short time.

My feelings and ideas about my big sins and the ineptitude of snow to cover them is a crock. Our mean and clever enemy loves to steal our peace and joy. He lives to get us off track. He wants us to wallow in shame and hopelessness. He is the one who tells us that the snow isn’t enough. We are foolish to believe that God’s forgiveness is temporary or too light. Our sins were dark and gross, but because of Jesus, they are now white as snow. It is a done deal!

In Romans 5, Paul reminds all of us about the permanence and finality of our forgiveness:

“Since we have been united with him in his death, we will also be raised to life as he was. 6 We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. 7 For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin. 8 And since we died with Christ, we know we will also live with him. 9 We are sure of this because Christ was raised from the dead, and he will never die again. Death no longer has any power over him. 10 When he died, He died ONCE to break the power of sin.” Romans 5:6-10 (NLT)

Dear friends, You are a new creation. Your sins have been made as white as North Pole snow. Rejoice in your forgiveness and do not confuse your cleanliness with the pitiful Memphis snow. God’s forgiveness is an avalanche of blessing; so don’t mistake it for a snow dusting.

Have a great weekend!

While reading my Bible this morning, I came across a phrase that I couldn’t stop thinking about.

“Then the man of lawlessness will be revealed, but the Lord Jesus will kill him with the breath of his mouth and destroy him by the splendor of his coming.” 2 Thessalonians 2:8 (NLT)

Paul was writing to this young church so that they would continue to have courage as they faced persecution while they were waiting for Jesus to return. In his encouragement, Paul includes details of how the “man of lawlessness” (the antichrist) will be destroyed. He will be destroyed by the Splendor of Jesus’s return. It is the phrase of being “destroyed by splendor” that remained fixed in my brain.

Pain, lies, disease, all forms of evil and the antichrist are weapons of the enemy that find their power in sin and when Jesus comes back, they will be completely destroyed by His Splendor. It is beyond my small-brain capacity to imagine splendor so beautiful that it obliterates every form of ugly. I cannot begin to fathom such brightness, glory and grandeur that in its presence, evil not only cowers, but also fails to even exist.

I remembered other passages in scripture where we observe the power and devastation of Jesus’s splendor.

The apostle John fell down as if dead when Jesus appeared to him on the island of Patmos:

“He was wearing a long robe with a gold sash across his chest. 14 His head and his hair were white like wool, as white as snow. And his eyes were like flames of fire. 15 His feet were like polished bronze refined in a furnace, and his voice thundered like mighty ocean waves. 16 He held seven stars in his right hand, and a sharp two-edged sword came from his mouth. And his face was like the sun in all its brilliance.17 When I saw him, I fell at his feet as if I were dead. But he laid his right hand on me and said, “Don’t be afraid! I am the First and the Last. 18 I am the living one. I died, but look—I am alive forever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and the grave.” Revelation 1:13-18 (NLT)

In Exodus 33, when Moses asks to see God’s glory, God protects and blesses Moses by only showing him His back, for no one can see God’s face and live. God’s splendor is so glorious that we are destroyed by it.

The idea of total destruction can be frightening, but the more time I mulled over the phrase of “destroyed by splendor”, the more I was encouraged.

God has used His gracious discipline and love to clean up destructive patterns in my life. He has used the splendor of His Word and power of His Holy Spirit to kill off things in my life that are hurtful and harmful. He disciplines those He loves and being loved by the God of the Universe is glorious. This love is so glorious that it is devastating and life altering. Because of Jesus’s glorious life and death and presence, my old life is gone. The person I was before I met Jesus, no longer exists. She has been destroyed. Because of God’s Holy Splendor, I am a new creation. I too, have been destroyed by Splendor.

One day soon, Paul’s forewarning about the end will be upon us, and Jesus will return in His full glory. All sin and evil will be destroyed by His Splendor, and we will be recipients of the awesome future he has designed for us.

While we await His return, allow His amazing Splendor and glory to graciously destroy you. Rejoice in the gentle yet devastating touch He wants to place on your life.

“Twas grace that taught my heart to fear….” John Newton 1779

“God’s voice is glorious in the thunder. We can’t even imagine the greatness of his power. “He directs the snow to fall on the earth and tells the rain to pour down.” Job 37:5-6 (NLT)

 “But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.” 1 John 4:4 (NLT)

 

Last week I got a haircut. It wasn’t a major change, but when I left the salon, I felt sassy and pretty. The first thing I did when I left was head over to school to pick up M2. As I asked her about her day, I swished my hair around and waited for her to notice. She didn’t. 2 hours later, Catey and David got home from basketball practice. They hauled in their heavy book bags, grabbed their drinks for dinner and fiddled around with their phones. I continued to swish as I portioned out the dinner plates, but no one noticed my hair cut. The three teens at the dinner table talked about their day and the plans they had for the weekend. We spent about 20 minutes catching up and then 10 more cleaning up. At this point in the evening, my neck was getting tired from all the Taylor Swift-like head movement, but no one noticed my haircut. Pat was working late and when He got home, I had come pretty close to falling asleep. The lights were off in our bedroom, and my head was on the pillow but the TV was on. In the ambient light of the TV, Pat came in and the first thing he said was, “Wow, Babe…. You got a haircut.”

Pat Nelson loves me. My children do too, but Pat thinks about me all the time. He wants to know more about me. He is invested in my happiness. He notices little things about me that others don’t and he celebrates them. Before any of you begin to vomit from all the sugar I painted this picture with, I will get to the point.

When we are motivated by love in a relationship, we are more likely to notice beauty in the smallest things. When we invest our time, energy, brain and heart into loving and knowing someone, we get to participate in the joy of celebrating more often than we ever imagined.

Over the years, I have had the opportunity to build relationships with teens and college students. I have had the privilege of serving as a mentor to young brides, moms and women in prison and I have often heard these people say that finding time to pray or read their bible is such a challenge. Many of us approach the thought of quiet time with the Lord as a chore or mandate. If my husband felt like “date night” was a box he was required to check off his honey-do list, intimacy would be difficult. If he believed that he had to punch a time clock to register the time he spent on listening to me talk, there would not be much shared joy for us as a couple.

He spends time with me and asks me questions and gives me gifts because He loves me. I would never require him to do any of it. We get to celebrate often because we genuinely love each other and realize the blessings and beauty in our midst. Our focus is set on each other instead of on ourselves.

When you and I are invested in a relationship with God, we enjoy spending time with Him. Quiet times are not mandated; they are privileges. When we study His word, we learn of His great character. The more we study, the more we see and the more we are hungry to learn even more.

I am in no way saying that you have to have a quiet time to be saved. All I am saying is that we don’t have to wait for heaven to enjoy the celebration. We are saved by our faith alone in Jesus, but when our hearts are invested in getting to know Him better, our eyes begin to see His beautiful touch in the small things.

Many of us approach our relationship with God the way my teenagers approach our relationship. The Nelson teens know that I love them. They know they belong to me. They enjoy the privileges of being a Nelson, but they are so consumed with busyness, homework, entertainment and the mirror that they aren’t getting to celebrate the beautiful little things that are happening all around them.

The teens would not have had a personal burst of joy if they had noticed my haircut…that would be stretching the analogy too far, but they do miss out on heaps of happiness because their focus is set inward instead of outward.

When we indulge in the richness of knowing God, we notice so much more. We get to celebrate His love for detail in the radiant fall leaves. We applaud His humor when the family dog makes us laugh. We are reminded of His consistency when the sun comes up every morning. We see His miraculous hand when He heals our sick friends. We honestly rejoice in our own sufferings as they remind us of all Jesus suffered for us. When we are hungry for more of Him, we get filled, and in our fullness, we participate in the kingdom that has already come.

When we are in love with Him, we don’t need to be reminded of how great He is. We begin to notice and celebrate the small things even in the ambient light at the end of a long day.

“Honor and majesty surround him; strength and beauty fill his sanctuary.” Psalm 96:6 (NLT)

“The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness;
 His mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
 therefore, I will hope in Him!”

Lamentations 3:22-24 (NLT)

 

I love watching the 4^th hour of the Today Show. Hoda and Kathie Lee crack me up, but this morning, I was too busy to watch. Before I rushed out of my house, I took a second to record their show so that I could enjoy it later in the afternoon. I filled the hours between 9-4 with carpools, exercise, meetings and errands. I bumped into a few friends as I scurried around and with every rendezvous, I had the opportunity to answer the question, “How are you doing?”. My answer was the same as so many of yours (I know this, because I have heard it from just about everyone I know); I answered, “I am so busy.”

I say it without thinking. The standard answer of “How are you doing?” used to be, “Fine”, “Great” or even “Hanging in there”, but now it seems everyone defines the state of their affairs with busyness. If I take a moment to really think about why I am so quick to announce that I am busy, I find that I am trying to prove something. I assume I would be judged if I answered with statements of how I am so content or how I am encouraged by what I am learning or how frustrated I am with the sins I am struggling with. Because I don’t want to always be vulnerable and because most people asking the question are really busy and just being polite, I fall in line and use busyness as the most defining characteristic of the life I am living.

To be completely honest, I am not nearly as busy as I used to be, but I still struggle with some pride issues closely linked to the busyness train. Most of the things that busied me up were my efforts to be competitive in the things that the world puts a high value on. I smocked, made designer cookies, ran marathons; I was team mom for the competitive sports that my children participated in. I was involved in lots of bible studies and clubs and I really enjoyed all of it. None of these things are bad things. I was in great shape; my children were well dressed and well fed. I made pocket money and enjoyed the fellowship and teaching in women’s bible studies. My days were crammed full of healthy activities and I was proud of my calendar and appointment book, but I was missing out on so much. There is great emptiness in busyness.

Someone very wise once said, “If the devil can’t make you sin, he will make you busy.” These “good things” I was cramming into my calendar left little room for the “great things”. Society tells us that we have to be involved in so much in order to count. We believe we are terrible parents if we don’t allow our children to participate in all the things that will beef up their resume and make them more attractive to colleges. We burn so much gasoline and down time racing around so that we will just be able to have a toe in the pool of prosperity.

Rearranging our mindset is radical. Going against the grain of what the world tells us is the healthiest, most fulfilling and most profitable will feel and look strange and it might invite criticism, but there are also heaps of peace and joy when we get off the path of dedication to pettiness.

This afternoon when I got home from my BUSY day, I started making dinner. I turned Hoda and KLG back on and in their last segment, they had the food editor on from a parenting magazine. The reason this talented woman was on the show was to help make our lives easier. She led busy moms through a cooking segment where she instructed all the moms who want the best for their families in a way to save time and feed our children a delicious and healthy breakfast. Her “time savers” actually just added more to the schedules of the moms who want to be super mom. Her suggestion was to cook breakfast the night before, channel your inner “master chef” and whip up these goodies: blueberry bars, DIY overnight oatmeal, quinoa with pink apple sauce and banana flax pancakes. I am all for healthy eating and for time savers, but I literally laughed out loud. How does spending 90 minutes creating a refridgerateable gourmet breakfast save time? It shifts time, and in that shift, “gourmet mom” misses time to read or listen to the kids or time with her husband or prayer time with her children, or whatever. I found it blatantly absurd. The children of all the “Gourmet Moms” in America would much rather celebrate 90 minutes of quality time with her in the evening than eat flax seed banana pancakes in the morning. These kids would be just as healthy and happy if they just ate the banana or learned to scramble their own egg.

It is my sincere belief that we are missing out on the greatest blessings because we are filling our days by making “Flax seed banana pancakes”. These pancakes come in all kinds of disguises and they are absolutely healthy by their own definition; they fill us up, but they are filling us up with busyness.

In order to be truly healthy and full, we must feed our spirit. We cannot be who we are created to be if we keep cramming society’s mandates into our schedules. We are not making the best use of our time…. We are just shifting it around.

I promise that there are some things you can let go, and it will not hurt your children. There is an incredible peace that passes understanding when we align our priorities with those that God established for us when He created us.

If Jesus needed time alone with God, and He was perfect and powerful and created time and space, how in the heck do we think we can manage differently? We must make seeking the Lord the top appointment on our calendars. He is a God of Spirit and truth, and therefore, we must schedule time to be quiet and pray and seek the counsel and touch of the Spirit. We must dig into the truth and consume the bread of His word. When we get in His word and allow the Spirit to teach us, we find that He leads us to His passions and that is where we find peace and joy. His passions are so much richer than society’s benchmarks.

We have the time. “The devil may not lead us into sin, but he sure will make us busy.” Oh dear friends, stop the starvation. Life is meant to be so much better than flax seed banana pancakes.

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matthew 6:33 (NLT)

“God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied.” Matthew 5:6 (NLT)

“But Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer.” Luke 5:16 (NLT)

 

My mother in law died this year. We did not have a good relationship. I met her when I was 20 and I did not measure up to the woman she would have chosen for her son. I was hurt by her rejection and I built up walls. During the 23 years I knew her, she continued to find ways to reject me and consequently, my children. I built up stronger and stronger walls. When she died, she did not have a relationship with any of my children and I had not spoken to her in 3 years.

This past Sunday, our church observed “All Saints Day”. I sat next to my husband and felt him painfully sigh as we remembered all the saints who had lived among us and loved Jesus and who had now left this world for their heavenly home. My husband, Pat grieves the loss of his mom and is so thankful for the woman she was. Everyone who knew her would quickly say that she was a Christian. Her faith was the most important part of her life.

I hope that people are just as quick to describe me as a Christian; I love Jesus. He has transformed my life. My future and hope are rooted in my faith alone. Why then is it equally and painfully true that my mother in law and I didn’t love each other? What is going on when any 2 Christians know what is right, know what to do and even act in obedience but the heart doesn’t follow? In the beginning, I insisted on spending holidays with my in-laws. I was the one who sent the mother’s day and birthday gifts. I made the effort and my efforts were rejected. Toward the end, there were not even phone calls on Christmas or cards on birthdays. It isn’t fair to her or any of you that she cannot tell her side of the story, but if she could tell her version of our fractious relationship, her words would be equally as valid as mine. Whether you met me at 20, 30, or 40, there are 1,000’s of good reasons not to like me.

In the end, this is a sad story about 2 women who loved Jesus but failed at loving the way Jesus loves.

Have you ever been rejected? Have you ever thought, “How can that person be a Christian and act that way?” or “How can she say she loves Jesus and not love me?”.

Relationships are messy. People hurt people. Christians hurt Christians and often wounds fester for decades.

The opportunity for restoration in this relationship has expired, but the opportunity to love like Jesus loves is new every day. In the next few months, many of us will be thrust into reunions and family gatherings that are awkward and even painful. The sting of rejection is a wound many of you deal with in your own families. Being rejected by family is acutely painful. The rejection I know is not isolated to a relationship with my mother in law. The reason rejection hurts so much is because it proclaims that we are not worthy of love; our best isn’t good enough and we are not worth the trouble.

I believe healing has to begin with forgiveness. By definition, love is bigger than forgiveness. It is total BS to say, “I love you, but I cannot forgive you.”…. And forgiving is so hard. Forgiving is especially hard when the other party has zero desire for reconciliation, but it doesn’t change our charge to forgive.

I have been studying a book on How Jesus loves and last week, we covered the topic that love isn’t irritable. The command to love those who persecute you and to forgive those who hate you and to be patient and kind to those who irritate you is way beyond my capabilities. The more I study the Bible and learn what it means to be like Jesus…. To be a “good” Christian… to love unconditionally…. The more I realize what a total failure I am.

The beautiful truth is that God knew this about me long before I figured it out. His law has been great at showing us how very incapable we are, but God showed His perfect love by sending His perfect son to die for me. Jesus didn’t die for me because I was such a great daughter in law. I could never earn His love or be worthy of the sacrifice He paid for me. He loves me in spite of all the ways I have screwed up my life and relationships. He chose to love me and it is that choosing that serves as a beautiful example for how we are to engage in our own difficult relationships.

You are not perfect. Your parents and siblings and children and In-laws are not perfect. Family members are supposed to love and forgive, but sometimes they don’t. We believe that we should feel appreciated and accepted and loved by our families, but love is not rooted in feelings. Love is rooted in action, and because love is bigger than forgiveness, we must first take the active step to forgive. I don’t know how this will manifest for you, but I think the way it must begin is on a very personal level. We must choose to forgive. It has to begin in our own heart. The words, “I forgive you” may never need to escape your lips, but when we forgive, we are changed, and it is because we are forgiven that we are changed. Forgiveness tears down the walls of rejection and frees us up to love. Like Jesus, we must choose it. It takes strength, and humility and endurance. Forgiveness is not a feeling, but it feels great. Love feels even better. Love and forgiveness are active choices and as we learn to live them out, we learn to love like Jesus loves. Jesus is the only one who loves perfectly, and even if we love Him, we won’t love perfectly like He loves until we leave this imperfect world and live in perfect peace with Him.

You can be a Christian and be involved in unloving relationships. The only thing that saves us is our love for Jesus and our faith in Him, but if we love Him, we will listen to Him. When we hear His voice, we will want to follow it and be like Him. We can have amazing “love victories” through Him.

This very minute, I know that my mother in law is rejoicing in heaven. She loved Jesus and now, she loves me. She is one among a crowd of great witnesses that is cheering me on as I persevere to finish this race and learn to love like Jesus loves. The next reunion we have will certainly be beautiful. It is my prayer that you will get to experience joy and love in your relationships and reunions this holiday season. Please be purposeful in your choice to forgive and love. XO c

“But you are a God of forgiveness, gracious and merciful, slow to become angry, and rich in unfailing love.” Neh 9:17 abbr (NLT)

 

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (NLT)

My dad used to tell us that how you leave a situation is one of the greatest reflections on your character. The last impression you make when you leave a school, group, job, team or relationship sticks. It is a great advice, and unfortunately it is advice that I haven’t always adhered to.

This past weekend, Pat and I took a trip to Kentucky. He had a business meeting and our son had some college touring to do. I went to the University of Kentucky and I was so excited about being back on campus, visiting with family, and spending a day enjoying the races at Keeneland. By coincidence, my college sorority was having a reunion that included a day at Keeneland.

The thought of running into these women from my past brought great anxiety. I left my sorority early. At 21, I was myopic, selfish, and disillusioned with my college life. I opted out and I am pretty sure no one was too sad to see me go. All I wanted to do was get out of school and marry Pat. I had joined my sorority with great joy and enthusiasm. I invested in precious friendships, but over the course of a couple years, I dropped the ball. I didn’t finish well. I quit and so the last and lasting impression I made was poor.

This confession would be so sad if God’s amazing grace didn’t enter my story, but “Praise the Lord”, His abundant and amazing grace manifested itself and blessed me again over our Kentucky weekend. I did run into about a dozen sorority sisters. They were all so beautiful: inside and out. The reunion included hugs and encouragement, updates and laughter. My face hurt from smiling and seeing them was a blessing. This precious reunion reminded me of a few important truths:

1. People don’t think about you nearly as much as you might worry they do. I have no idea if any of these women remember any of the stupid and selfish things I did 25 years ago. If they remember, it isn’t a really big deal to them. Life moves on. People grow up. We all do stupid things (and soooo many stupid things in our youth). The regretful things we do are opportunities for US to learn and grow and they stick in our memories much longer than they do in the minds of those observing us.
2. It is important how you leave a situation, group, job, school, etc…. but if you leave it poorly, there is beautiful opportunity to repair and rebuild. Failing hurts, but failing isn’t fatal.
3. When we fail and fall short, others get to see just how big God’s grace really is. When the apostle Paul began spreading the good news about Jesus Christ, people from his past were stunned. Paul had been a chief persecutor of Christians, but when the Holy Spirit invaded his life, He was radically changed. God’s grace and power and love were displayed more vividly when Paul the persecutor was transformed into Paul the preacher and missionary. Only God can take our ashes and turn them into something beautiful. He gets the glory and sometimes it is easier to witness that glory when He radically transforms foolish and disillusioned idiots.

The enemy loves to dump shame on us. He is great about helping us remember the dishonorable things from our past. The real shame would be if we indulge in this misery and buy into the feelings of unworthiness. When we hide in our shame, we miss opportunities for great joy. Avoiding reunions is self-serving. Each one of us is a beacon of God’s light. We reflect His glory. None of this is about us. Our lives are the beautiful testimonies of what He has done.

“He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for His own glory.” Isaiah 61:3 (NLT)

 

“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life has gone; a new life has begun!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)

 

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10 (NIV)

 

“We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.” Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I here for?