Earlier this year, I hurt someone I love very deeply. The wound I caused was unintentional, but it came from a selfish place in my life. As innocent as I felt that my actions were, the effect they had was devastating, and I am responsible for those actions. For the better part of a year, I have done all I know to do to repent and repair the relationship, but my exhaustive efforts have all been rejected. The person I hurt had been hurt many times before by others in a similar fashion and was raw and vulnerable to be immensely wounded by my new contribution to his/her long-standing ache. I have worried and wept and grieved over the gulch I helped create.

I have been greatly humbled and isolated by my sin, and have sought counsel and God’s direction about what to do now. The freeze in this relationship has not changed, but so much else has. God has been doing quite a number on my heart. When someone refuses to forgive you, you experience a major slap of rejection. Everything you have to offer (love, friendship, your gifts and talents, etc.) isn’t enough, acceptable or attractive. You feel like you are an expendable nothing and you begin to build your own sense of pride and resentment.

Our God, who never rests and is always working, has been teaching me forgiveness and patience and trust and how to love someone who doesn’t love you back.

I have been really comforted by looking at some close and stressed-out relationships in Genesis. Isaac and Ishmael, Jacob and Esau, and Joseph and his brothers were all designed to be very close, family relationships, but in each case, one brother sinned against another and there was a devastating wound that led to decades of isolation and rejection.

Ishmael and His mother left the toxicity in their home with Abraham, Sarah and Isaac to live in the wilderness where Ishmael grew up to become an expert with the bow, marry an Egyptian and start a new nation. During this time Isaac married Rebekah and fathered two boys, as He became a patriarch of a new nation. Their separation was harsh, but we know they reconciled even if only briefly to bury their father, Abraham. (Gen 25:9)

Jacob and Esau’s relationship came to a boiling point when Jacob deceived his father over a birthright blessing and Esau threatened to kill him. Jacob fled and during His time of separation, married Leah and Rachel, had lots of children and became a successful farmer and shepherd. After a 20-year separation, Jacob travels toward home where He will have to encounter Esau. Esau

“ran to meet him, embraced him, fell on his neck and kissed him and they wept.” (Gen 33:4- NIV)

Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery and assumed He was dead. In the 20 years they were apart, the brothers continued to farm and grow their families, while Joseph rose in leadership until he was the 2nd most powerful man in the world. At their face-to-face reunion,

Joseph “kissed all his brothers and wept upon them.” (Gen 45:15 NIV).

In each of these relationships, one brother sinned against another, but in the end, there was reconciliation. If you, like me, have wounded someone you love, make sure you have done all you possibly can to repair, repent, forgive and reconcile, but if you are rejected, take comfort. You are learning patience, and patience produces character and character produces hope (Romans 5:4). God is all about reconciliation. He has reconciled us all to himself through Jesus Christ. He loves you and He knows what He is doing. His thoughts are not your thoughts and His ways are higher than your ways. (Is 55:8-9)

As for today, keep busy doing kingdom work. Trust and Obey. God’s timing is perfect. Waiting for reconciliation can be exhausting, but reconciliation is a great thing and the hope for it comes from our great God.

”But do not let this one fact escape your notice, beloved, that with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like one day. 9The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you…” 2 Peter 3:8-9 (NKJV)

Wolves, by nature, are predators. They attack sheep. It is foolishness to hate a wolf for being a wolf and it is equally foolish to allow a wolf into a sheep pen.

Over the winter break, my children exposed me to the game, “Trivia Crack”. I have really enjoyed playing and have found it to be as addictive as its name suggests. One of the latest history questions I was given was to finish this Martin Luther King quote:

            “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of…”

One of the multiple-choice answers was, “Their souls”.

Although incorrect, this was a great answer. It seemed totally fitting that a man so focused on peace would show mercy to his enemies by realizing that the harsh and vicious words from the mouths of his enemies were the manifestations of a sickness of the soul. When souls and hearts are not filled with love, it is only natural for hateful words and lies to come spewing out.

We live in a world full of enemies and wolves that attack, slash and growl. There will always be wolves, but it is wasted energy to hate the wolf for being a wolf. We should hate how the wolf bites, wounds and attacks the lamb, but what is the point in hating the wolf? The wolf is only following its natural instinct. In the same manner, we should hate the sin while loving the sinner. Healing begins by NOT remembering the words of our enemies. We cannot let false accusations and threats define who we are or steal our joy.

I read a post on Facebook recently that dealt with the process of forgiveness. Craig Strickland, the founding pastor at Hope Presbyterian Church in Memphis said this:

I’m struck by the fact that a lot of us have people living rent free in our heads. Somebody has done something so wrong to you that there is no way to make it right: an apology, jail time, making amends, reimbursing you …nothing will make you whole. So you think about their heinous crime all the time. They’re living rent free in your head…. Forgiving another person means ‘letting them go’-not because they deserve it but because it’s the best way to be free of them. And don’t think you can say, “I forgive you” once and then you’re over it. You’ll probably have to say it over and over…and like the waves on the beach, you’ll feel free a little at a time. Eventually they won’t live rent free in your head anymore. And don’t confuse forgiveness with trust. You can forgive and still not trust the person who has wronged you.

We forgive because we are forgiven, and we move on. We learn from adversity, but we don’t have to immerse ourselves in it. For the safety of the sheep, the shepherd keeps them away from the wolves. A loving shepherd never asks a sheep to set up a little sheep hut next to a wolf’s den.

The apostle Paul, who suffered all kinds of attacks and persecution, was a champion of rejoicing through suffering. He glorified the Lord while languishing through beatings, imprisonment, mockery, snakebites and shipwrecks, but I am sure that he never stood in a ship yard while trying to figure out which boat to board and said, “Hey. Put me on the worst boat with lots of broken beams and holes. Be sure I am chained up on it with baton bearing thugs who hate me…. And while you’re at it, throw some poisonous snakes in the basement with me.”. Paul rejoiced in his appointment to suffer, but he never foolishly went out looking for danger.

When we have been put through the ringer and are recovering from the attack of the wolf, there is a beautiful opportunity to reveal our faith and trust in our Great Shepherd. Forgiveness is hard work and when faced with the process of forgiving, I know that it is beyond me to get to that place by sheer will-power. When I try to do what is right or heal my own broken heart, I always end up concentrating on the wolf or on my pain. When I do this, I have a bitter and wounded countenance.

When I let go of my pain and allow Jesus to mend and heal, I can see the path to joy. When I live by faith and trust God with my situation, I am much quicker to understand peace. When I cry out, “Abba, Father”, I know He listens, heals, protects, and delights in my prayer. The Shepherd knows that the lamb is defenseless against the wolf. The Shepherd is the only one capable of protecting the lamb. With Jesus as my shepherd, I can move forward knowing that the beauty of God is on me and that He will establish the work my heart needs to cultivate in my longing for forgiveness.

We are all called to forgive. I am confident that everyone reading this has found forgiveness to be a challenge. We are guaranteed victory. Because we have been forgiven, we are being conformed to Christ. We do not have to “remember the words of our enemies”. We must remember how much we have been forgiven.

“And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us, 
And establish the work of our hands for us; 
Yes, establish the work of our hands.” Psalm 90:17 (NKJV)

“…The Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you…” 1 Peter 4:14 (NKJV)

“…Work out your OWN salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.” Philippians 2:12-13 (NKJV)