This month I had the privilege of attending a National “Fly-in” in Washington DC. I accompanied my husband and dozens of paving contractors to the Capitol in order to encourage members of congress to support and approve funding for the infrastructure bill. I only had one job, and it was to observe and listen. It isn’t often that I am asked to be quiet, but on this particular day while rushing from senators’ offices to the offices of our congressmen, in one of the busiest places in our country, where everyone has an opinion, I got to play the role of the fly on the wall; I was fascinated. I witnessed the contractors poignantly express the urgency to invest in highways and I watched the elected officials calculate. Because I did not need to spend anytime constructing a reaction, I saw very clearly who cared about our plight and who didn’t. I saw congressmen tolerate the appointments with no intention of supporting our cause because they had their own passion projects and I noted when one congressman met and matched our zeal for the infrastructure bill. When our day on the hill was finished, I was able to clearly synopsize for the group who I believed had their back and who clearly did not. I got a clear picture because I shut up and listened.

I am learning to listen, and I have a lot of learning to do. I really can’t tell you how many times I have heard one of my exasperated children say, “Mom, I told you that already”, or “Mom, don’t you remember? I reminded you 3 times this week!”. I am guilty of tuning them out while I busy around my kitchen or only give them partial attention while I try to catch the headlines on the nightly news. I also am guilty of simply enduring their prattle (and I use the word “prattle” intentionally. They are teenagers, for goodness sake) while I create arguments and teaching analogies to make a strong point to manipulate their decision-making. In all of these examples, I am blatantly guilty of not listening.

The most frustrating pattern in my life as a non-listener is in my relationship with the Lord. Every morning, before I go to Him in prayer or journal or read my Bible, I try to spend 10-15 minutes totally quiet and listening. Every morning, I end up filling the space with distracting thoughts, expressions of guilt, and to-do lists. That “still, quiet space” that everyone’s spirit needs is very small in my very busy day. When I am quiet and I am disciplined enough to shut up and listen, I receive so much blessing. Those precious moments are intimate and nourishing and they require humility and discipline.

Jesus was much busier than I am and He had a whole lot more to say, but He made quiet time before the Lord His priority. He was God and knew The Father better than anyone and yet He wouldn’t go a day without being quiet and committing Himself to that sacred silent time.

The practice of shutting up and listening does not come naturally to us, but just because it is difficult is no reason to give up. The greatest blessings almost always seem to come from the more challenging lessons. As I am learning to listen, I have found that all my discipline and good intentions of trying to be quiet are not enough. I must humble myself and admit to the Lord how big a struggle this is for me. He already knows it and has provided me a helper in the Holy Spirit to encourage me and guide me. Our evil and clever enemy wants nothing more than to keep us from really getting to know God. He is great at distraction and confusion and guilt and He knows the danger his mission is in when we get intimate with the one who will crush his head.

Dear friends, learn with me how to shut up and listen. We will be so blessed as we let go of all our self-importance and invest in getting to know the people in our midst. We will be so blessed when we stop and listen to our kids. Our kids have things to say and as experienced and as seasoned as we are, our kids really can teach us a thing or two. We also have the benefit of knowing how to pray for them and guide them if we really are aware of what their concerns, questions and passions are. Lastly, we will be so richly blessed if we shut up and listen during our time with the Lord. He loves us, and he wants to hear what we have to say, but y’all…. He already knows. He knows our minds and hearts; He created them. As much as we have to say to Him or praise Him for, we have that much more to get to know about Him. Be disciplined to prioritize this still and quiet space with the King of Kings. Be blessed to let Him reveal Himself to you.

“It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds: in reality our best work is done by keeping things out.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” John 10:27 (NIV)

“She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.” Luke 10:39 (NIV)

Dear friends, as always, I would love to know what you think. How have you learned to make listening a priority… with accquaintances, your kids and the Lord? Thank you. XO c

Our family has found itself wading through a season of heartbreak. Everyone has these seasons and no matter how long the duration, we all need comfort. This morning, as I practiced being quiet before the Lord, His Spirit kept gently whispering the words of Psalm 23 to my hurting soul. I spent the rest of my time in prayer breaking down these well-known verses line by line. I would love to encourage each of you to find some time to break down your favorite passages in scripture. What does it say? What does it mean? What does it mean to you? I hope my time in Psalm 23 will enrich your day. Thank you for sharing my journey.

The Lord is my Shepherd. You are strong and you know things that I don’t know and you see things that I can’t see. You are MY Shepherd. You count me as one of your own. You know that I am hurting and you have picked me up and held me tight against your beating heart. You know this is what I need right now.

In my little sheepish brain, I think I need what all the other sheep seem to have, but you know better. You know what I need. I want you.

I am so tired of failing. I am so tired of teaching my children the same things over and over again and watching them ignore me.I am so tired of watching them suffer. I am exhausted with the schemes of the devil and his evil and foolishness. You offer me rest.

You make me lie down in green pastures. Your rest is beautiful and full of peace. You lead me beside the still waters. I love how you brighten my countenance by revealing your glory in nature. I love your mountains and harvest colors and especially the water. I am so drawn to praise you when I see the ocean. I love knowing that your spirit hovered over the face of the waters from the very beginning and that you knew how the still waters would bring me joy.

Please, God restore my soul. It cries out for you, and only you can restore and mend all this brokenness.

You have shown me what is right and led me in the path of righteousness. You delight in obedience and you have given me a helper in Your Spirit so I can stay on this narrow path. You are glorified when I obey.

Today, I have found myself in a dark valley. The enemy is doing a number on me. He is trying to steal my peace with his accusations and forecasts of loss and destruction. My natural instinct is to be so scared and weep, but you are with me. You promise to stay by my side and never leave. You are my shepherd and from your vantage point, you can see all this evil; you promise that I don’t need to be afraid of it.

You use the crook of your staff to keep me on the safe path and out of the grip of the evil one. Your rod is a weapon. You keep it with you to fight off the evil for me. You fight for me and keep me safe. I am so comforted by this. You are a mighty warrior who fights for me. You believe I am worth fighting for.

There is an enemy attacking my family. Your enemies were so evil and they attacked and lied about you. They mocked you and killed you. You didn’t deserve it. You forgave them. You have forgiven me. With your help, I can forgive my enemies too. Because I am forgiven, everything has changed. I am a new creation and you want to celebrate this truth. You have prepared a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You love me and you love to celebrate that I am your daughter. You have not only prepared a feast for me, but also a home in heaven. My inheritance is sure. (Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light. Micah 7:8).

You anoint my head with oil. My life in you is all about prosperity and joy. You have so much “good stuff” that you can use it to remind me I am extravagantly blessed. You pour it over my head and it covers me from head to toe.

Because I have you, I have everything. I have more than everything. My cup overflows with blessing. In a season of heartbreak, thank you for this reminder. The pains and losses of this world grow strangely dim in the light of your glory and grace. I am so blessed. I am a daughter of the King of Kings.

The evil one wants me to believe that things are not going to be OK. He wants me to feel the heavy breath of despair and loss following me and breathing down my neck, but you know what lies ahead for me. Goodness and mercy are following me. You have my back, and you will all the days of my life. My future is bright!

My time on this earth is short, but one day soon, I will see you face to face. My future in your house is certain and I will dwell there with You forever!

AMEN!

I got involved in a conversation earlier this week where I was asked if I thought The United States should get involved in the ISIS/ Syria crisis. My off-the-cuff answer was that I hoped the solution was already established in our compliance with our NATO membership and agreement of the statutes within its treaty.

As a general rule, decision-making can be made easier if a structure on how to deal with a problem is established before the problem surfaces. When an organization is not clear about where they stand, and a crisis occurs, emotions, fears and insecurities detract from the fluidity of decision-making.

The NFL has been submerged in a dilemma on how to deal with their athletes who are accused of domestic and child abuse because they had not pre-established how to handle this atrocity. On the other side of the coin, the schools my children attend have no hesitation in dealing out Saturday schools, the exercise of writing out “The Rules of Civility”, suspensions and even expulsions. There are zero-tolerance policies that alleviate the stress of negotiation and governing.

On the same evening of my ISIS crisis conversation, one of my teenagers chose to break a Nelson family rule. I was heart-broken and very unsure of how to handle it. We all knew the rules. We all knew the consequences. It should be as clear as black and white on what I should do, because it had been established beforehand. Pat was out of town and having learned from past experiences (and the wisdom of John Rosemond), I decided that “bringing down the hammer” could wait. Waiting was the right decision.

My family is not a school, business or an organization. My family is a group of 6 people united in relationship. We have rules and there are consequences when the rules are broken, but there is always room for mercy.

As Christian parents, our call is to model the behavior of God…. our “Abba Father”. I found myself in a parenting situation that pulled me into prayer and the privilege of seeking wisdom in Scripture. I was reminded how for centuries in the Old Testament, God established rules for his chosen people. These beloved Israelites knew the rules, but they habitually disobeyed. God used Moses and the prophets and the judges to tell His children the foolishness of their disobedience and God did discipline them, but He was consistently merciful. He never wiped them out because of their foolish disobedience. He knew they were weak and He loved them.

Showing love to our children must include discipline, but I am certain that showing love to our children doesn’t follow a formula. I am learning from experience and from making mistakes. I am growing in my understanding of who God is and what He is like. I am so very thankful that He is a God of mercy.

The rule breaking my teenager did is really not any different from the rule breaking I do. I am so often foolish, stubborn and selfish. My spirit longs to be free, but my flesh is so weak. In His mercy, God has convicted me of my sin, disciplined me and been steadfast in the way he pushes, chisels and molds me. It is never pleasant, but always full of His mercy and love toward me.

When Pat got back in town, we were able to talk with, pray with and lovingly discipline our teen. We know that we must be consistent in order to be trusted, but we have also learned that in families mercy should always be factored into our discipline. I would love to know what you think or if you agree or disagree. Please let me know. XO c

“But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.” 2 Peter 3:18 (RSV)

 

“I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy.” Exodus 33:19b (RSV)

 

“Because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” Proverbs 3:12 (NIV)

 

Dearest friends, athletes and parents of athletes,

I am confused. Do not expect this post to be tidy or insightful. I am writing, because I need to hear your thoughts and learn from you. I haven’t figured out how to parent athletes, but I have figured out some things I have done wrong. One of the great joys in having a platform and of living in the age of social media is the ability to engage in conversation. I enjoy “doing life” with you, and today, I am asking for your thoughts.

By some standards, my teenagers are good athletes. They have made elite teams, been captains, MVP’s and BOP’s. They can flip and dunk and spike, but it does not make them happy. We live in a world that is obsessed with sports and athleticism. I watched NBC nightly news last night and 10 minutes of the 30-minute program dealt with the scandal in the NFL. One Third!!!! My children have been sucked into this sport-centered vacuum. They spend their afternoons and summers practicing drill after drill and missing out on mission trips, pool days and family vacations. We spend lots of money and time investing in their talents, and I spend a huge amount of time wiping their tears and giving them the sulking space they need after a bad game or practice. The frustrations and disappointments in sports tend to outweigh the celebrations and achievements. They often feel like they have failed at everything if they have failed in the gym.

I carry a lot of the responsibility for this lack of balance in my home. It is an unstated top priority that Sports come first. We rarely have family dinners. I have skipped ministry opportunities in order to keep my nights open for my game attendance. We have skipped worship because of volleyball and basketball. Whether I say it out loud or not, my children see by my actions that sports are of the highest importance. I have been so misguided that I have used scripture to motivate them when they lack passion for their sport. I have used the parable of the talents and compared them to “5-talent workers” who have been given the privilege and responsibility to double their talents for the master’s pleasure and glory. I have screwed up a lot.

We have all heard about the benefits of team sports and the value of learning to lose and how to be a good winner. We tout how sports teach leadership and discipline and team work, but we overlook the ego it feeds or the confusion of identity it fosters. My kids are on top of the world when they have a big night on the court, but it is so fleeting. The ache of losing and sting of reprimand last much longer.

As grown ups, we celebrate and post about our kids’ achievements and we put on a brave face in defeat, but rarely do we applaud the losses and life lessons learned on the bench.

My heart broke when I received that text last night, but not because my daughter may have lost her spot. My heart broke because she thanked me and was worried about my disappointment. I am crying now as I share it with you. I don’t think my kids question my love for Jesus, or their dad or for them, but I am broken that they doubt my pride in them when they fail.

I fail all the time, and so often I come to the cross with doubt. How could God continue to show me grace and love helping me up when I fall? Scripture assures me that God will not run out of love for me. He is steadfast and faithful when I am faithless. He is proud of me because I belong to Him. My achievements are not what have warranted my favor with God. I am so thankful for this painful lesson from my kids; in their developing young minds, they think I love them less when they fail…. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I love them. I claim them on the court and on the bench. I am proud of them because they are mine.

If you have dealt with this in your family, please share with me what you have learned. If you haven’t, celebrate. I have so much to learn and need your prayers. Thank you for doing life with me. XO c

“The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7b (NLT)

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

Earlier this year, I began a new way of praying for my children. First, I praise the Lord for all the promises He has made about their future, and I pray about that future. I pray for the spouses who will be united with my children and their children and their future jobs and ministry. I follow up my “future prayers” with praises for their past. I get to celebrate God’s faithfulness in their lives concerning their health and friendships and schools and camp and mistakes and growth. Finally, I pray about their present. I praise the Lord for the day they are living today and petition Him for their current needs.

Because Mary Moore is the youngest in our family, I pray for her last. The prayers for the older 3 have a lot of consistencies, (differences too), but Mary Moore’s past was so radically different than the first 3, and as a result, her present has more challenges. I was convicted today in how I pray for her future….

For those of you who do not know, Pat and I adopted Mary Moore from Russia in the fall of 2001. She was 10 months old and weighed 8 &1/2 lbs. when we brought her back to Memphis. The things she suffered in utero and in the orphanage are not uncommon to those of many Russian orphans. As a result of her disadvantaged start, she deals with challenges today. She faces physical, social and academic obstacles as a routine.

It brings me such joy to praise the Lord for his faithfulness when it comes to Mary Moore’s past. He began breaking my heart for Russian orphans in 1989 when I spent a summer there as a Young Life missionary. He was doing the same thing in my husband’s heart before we even met. God’s plan for our family was to have 3 amazing biological kids first and when the time was right, He clearly called us to pursue the adoption of this precious child. He orchestrated every step and every day of that journey and chose us to rescue her and embrace her as our own. I love praising the Lord for her past. I love thinking about it and talking about it. I am blessed to be her mom and help her with the challenges she faces today. I know God hears my prayers for her and cares deeply for my daughter and I am quick to say that I trust Him and have faith that His plan for her future is perfect, but I lamented today that my actions and prayers invalidated my profession of real faith and trust.

When I pray for the older 3, it seems to be expected that they will go to college, have careers, get married, have kids, and have ministry opportunities. I bank on it, but when I pray for M2’s future, my petitions are much more guarded. I pray about these future things for M2, but add on, “It’s OK, God, if you say No. Your way is perfect. Your plans are great, so if you decide that she lives at home forever and doesn’t…,well, that will be great too, because you know best.”

WHAT THE WHAT????

It is 100% true, that God’s way is perfect for all of my children and all of us, and we should rejoice in his plan for our lives. He is God. He loves us. He can do anything and His ways are the best ways, but He certainly doesn’t need me to dumb down my requests. Am I really that lacking of faith, that I dilute my prayers because I think I understand the situation better than God does? How can I celebrate the miracle of M2’s past and God’s faithfulness so radically displayed in it and then not boldly approach the throne with a heart full of joy and expectation for the present and future? I say I trust Him, but do my actions say something different? Who am I to think God needs my help or permission in anything?

I am confessing these things, because I am not alone. I love the passage in Mark 9, where the father of a sick boy approaches Jesus for the healing of his son. This faithful dad trusts Jesus can heal his son, but the circumstances of his present and future seem so bleak, that his trust gets cloudy. When Jesus asks him if he believes that He can heal the boy, the dad humbly replies:

“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” Mark 9:24 (NKJV)

Dear friends, we all need to examine how our actions and prayers line up with our proclamations of faith and trust. We need to repent of the foolishness of limiting God. Ask Big. When God says “No”, your big request just got a big answer of blessing. If God says “Yes”, you get the special blessing of seeing your big requests answered by your Big God. His answers of “Yes” and “No” are not determined by your standard of what is normal or worthy.

Model the behavior of the persistent widow in Luke 18:1-8. Jesus used her as an example to pray and never give up. She just would not give up until the judge answered her. Follow the example of Jacob, who when he wrestled with the angel declared,

“I will not let You go unless You bless me!” Gen 32:26 (NKJV)

Our God is faithful. He has shown you his faithfulness in your past. He is faithful today and because He never changes, He will be faithful in the future. When we are faithful to praise Him and submit our petitions to Him, we get to witness just how powerful and loving and awesome He is.