My kids are a high priority on my priority list. They are the most important thing in my world, right behind my relationship with Jesus and my relationship with their dad. I’m pretty sure they know this and hope they feel important and cherished, but I’m confident they know how much I love Jesus. I know this because my passion for growing in the Lord and my pension for talking to them about Jesus sometimes annoys and exhausts them. It isn’t unusual for me to catch eye rolls and sighs and be asked to not make everything a “Jesus thing”. Not all of my kids have a personal relationship with Jesus. They are all great kids; they are beautiful and funny and kind and full of integrity and grit. There is nothing I desire more for them than to know and love my savior. It is my constant prayer for them and it shapes how I parent them. In my dogged pursuit to show them the truth and beauty of the savior, I have made some mistakes. This week, I really botched it.
One of my kids has been waiting on an answer that has been completely out of our control. As we have waited for this answer, I have prayed and encouraged my family to pray for God’s will to be done, but I was so confident that I knew what God’s will would be that I really claimed it. I encouraged this kid that I knew how awesome the outcome would be. I journaled about it and took active steps to add reality to my confidence. Yesterday, we got the answer we had been waiting for and it was not at all what I expected. The kid was disappointed. I was shocked, confused and embarrassed. The kid and I sat on my bed for a long time, talking it out. My heart ached and I wept tears of apology. I told the kid that I had hoped that my confidence backed up by God’s affirmative answer would be an enticement for the kid to want to have a relationship with Jesus. I thought if God did what I said I thought He would do, I’d be celebrating an eternal victory. My intentions were pure and rooted in good stuff. I truly wanted to glorify the Lord and be a powerful witness for His goodness, but I got it wrong. I acted like I was a prophetess…. which I certainly am not. I unintentionally misled and made promises of false hope. I really really botched it. I grieved for my stupidity and the stumbling block I laid in this kid’s path. I asked the Lord and the kid for forgiveness.
Our good intentions don’t mean we are getting it right. It’s not always the thought that counts. When we learn that we botched it, we must make amends and do all we can to get it right. It begins with repentance and is completed with praise.
Imagine the blessing I received this morning when I read the bible account of King Josiah. Josiah was a good King who loved the Lord and did what he knew to do to lead the Israelites in a godly manner. In His pursuit of wisdom and righteousness, he discovered a scroll that showed him he was getting it wrong. He grieved, made changes and then led the people in the greatest Passover feast ever.
“In the eighteenth year of his reign, after he had purified the land and the Temple, Josiah appointed Shaphan to repair the Temple of the Lord his God. While they were at the Lord’s Temple, Hilkiah the priest found the Book of the Law, Then Hilkiah gave the scroll to Shaphan. So Shaphan read it to the king. When the king heard what was written in the Law, he tore his clothes in despair. “We have not been doing everything this scroll says we must do.” And the king went up to the Temple of the Lord with all the people of Judah and Jerusalem. The king took his place of authority beside the pillar and renewed the covenant in the Lord’s presence. He pledged to obey the Lord by keeping all his commands, laws, and decrees with all his heart and soul. The entire ceremony for the Lord’s Passover was completed that day. Never since the time of the prophet Samuel had there been such a Passover.”
Excerpts from 2 Chronicles 34 and 35 (NLT)
You and I are sinners and as great as our intentions are, we are going to botch it. We will botch it as spouses and parents and friends and witnesses. When you are blessed enough to see how you botched it, repent immediately, and then get to the business of celebrating God’s goodness. There is beauty in botching it. God’s grace is new every morning. One day all our good intentions will be followed by perfect praise and action, but that day won’t come until Jesus comes. He is coming. Get to praising Him. You were created to do just that. Blessings to all of you who have botched it. XO c