Last night we did a bang up job of celebrating a Friday night on our new porch. Around 5:00 some of our neighbors dropped in for appetizers and a glass of wine. They had to leave around 6:30, but within 5 minutes of their departure, another group popped over, so we started over. We uncorked more wine and polished off the appetizers. Dinner plans were forgotten as we consumed more wine and all but licked cracker crumbs off the appetizer platter. I was asleep by 9. Friday night’s festivities led to a groggy, shame-laced Saturday morning. My first thought of the morning was, “I had too much wine”, and my second thought was, “I don’t really feel like getting up and having a quiet time.”
With little pluck and less spring, I quieted my fuddled brain, drifted back out to the porch and prayed. I felt an idiotic sense of hypocrisy as I praised the Lord for how great He is while concurrently feeling the aftermath of last night’s wine. I was hesitant to be vulnerable, to offer praises or petitions, because I felt a need to put a guard up after letting my guard down last night. How colossally stupid! God loves me, because He loves me. He doesn’t get more excited when I approach His throne on good days when I have served the poor, shared my testimony or been obedient, and He doesn’t turn His omniscient nose up at me and look at me with unrelenting eyes when I am aware of my sin and approach in meekness.
So often, many of us get confused and think that our walk with Jesus is about us and about how we feel, but that is backwards. Our relationship is about Him. We spend time with Him and praise and worship Him and read His word, because it is what we were created to do. We certainly benefit from time spent with the Lord, but when we pursue Christ for OUR benefit, we have missed the point. He is holy and perfect and righteous, and whether we have A+ performance days or D- days, they are really all F’s if the grade is based on our achievements.
“ For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9 (NKJV)
As much as I wish that none of my learning would come from making mistakes, I am so grateful for what I learn on those imperfect days. I am often an idiot. It is idiotic to avoid my savior when I am ashamed. He knows my sin. He endured the penalty and shame for my sin and it was while I was covered in my sin that He chose to love me. I’m an even bigger idiot for ever approaching His throne with any sense of accomplishment or self-righteousness. It was His grace that taught my heart to fear. He opened my eyes. He gave me a hunger for His word. He changed my heart. He did it all. He receives this idiot day after day and loves me because He chooses to. He loves you too and He chooses to everyday and for forever.
“But we are all like an unclean thing,
And all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags;” Isaiah 64:6 (NKJV)
“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise.” Psalm 51:17 (
Catherine dear, this is so very well thought out and verbalized. Sometimes we do see ourselves only through the lens of our sin or what we have or have not done. Thanks for the reminder to see ourselves as truly humans but so dearly loved by God. And for seeing God the way He really is, and that He sees us only through the lens of His Son. Such amazing love.
Carole, thank you for adding your wisdom to my thoughts. Love you! C
Catherine, what a wonderful reminder to us all, and with inimitable eloquence. Let us always come before the Lord with praise, thanksgiving, and appropriate humility, knowing he loves us always.