My dad used to tell us that how you leave a situation is one of the greatest reflections on your character. The last impression you make when you leave a school, group, job, team or relationship sticks. It is a great advice, and unfortunately it is advice that I haven’t always adhered to.
This past weekend, Pat and I took a trip to Kentucky. He had a business meeting and our son had some college touring to do. I went to the University of Kentucky and I was so excited about being back on campus, visiting with family, and spending a day enjoying the races at Keeneland. By coincidence, my college sorority was having a reunion that included a day at Keeneland.
The thought of running into these women from my past brought great anxiety. I left my sorority early. At 21, I was myopic, selfish, and disillusioned with my college life. I opted out and I am pretty sure no one was too sad to see me go. All I wanted to do was get out of school and marry Pat. I had joined my sorority with great joy and enthusiasm. I invested in precious friendships, but over the course of a couple years, I dropped the ball. I didn’t finish well. I quit and so the last and lasting impression I made was poor.
This confession would be so sad if God’s amazing grace didn’t enter my story, but “Praise the Lord”, His abundant and amazing grace manifested itself and blessed me again over our Kentucky weekend. I did run into about a dozen sorority sisters. They were all so beautiful: inside and out. The reunion included hugs and encouragement, updates and laughter. My face hurt from smiling and seeing them was a blessing. This precious reunion reminded me of a few important truths:
- People don’t think about you nearly as much as you might worry they do. I have no idea if any of these women remember any of the stupid and selfish things I did 25 years ago. If they remember, it isn’t a really big deal to them. Life moves on. People grow up. We all do stupid things (and soooo many stupid things in our youth). The regretful things we do are opportunities for US to learn and grow and they stick in our memories much longer than they do in the minds of those observing us.
- It is important how you leave a situation, group, job, school, etc…. but if you leave it poorly, there is beautiful opportunity to repair and rebuild. Failing hurts, but failing isn’t fatal.
- When we fail and fall short, others get to see just how big God’s grace really is. When the apostle Paul began spreading the good news about Jesus Christ, people from his past were stunned. Paul had been a chief persecutor of Christians, but when the Holy Spirit invaded his life, He was radically changed. God’s grace and power and love were displayed more vividly when Paul the persecutor was transformed into Paul the preacher and missionary. Only God can take our ashes and turn them into something beautiful. He gets the glory and sometimes it is easier to witness that glory when He radically transforms foolish and disillusioned idiots.
The enemy loves to dump shame on us. He is great about helping us remember the dishonorable things from our past. The real shame would be if we indulge in this misery and buy into the feelings of unworthiness. When we hide in our shame, we miss opportunities for great joy. Avoiding reunions is self-serving. Each one of us is a beacon of God’s light. We reflect His glory. None of this is about us. Our lives are the beautiful testimonies of what He has done.
“He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for His own glory.” Isaiah 61:3 (NLT)
“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life has gone; a new life has begun!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10 (NIV)
“We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.” Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I here for?